Ep 14 Low Points, High Lessons_ What Caregiver Failures Teach Us

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Today we are continuing our new series called Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. As I said yesterday, family caregivers, at least most of us, are doing things for which we were not trained, and it is very difficult. We face failure often, and we need to know what to do with it. Listen to every episode in this series as we dissect failure and learn how to move forward.

Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.

Let’s dive into today’s topic: Learning From the Low.

Failure can be a bitter pill to swallow, but buried inside every setback is the potential for a breakthrough. As caregivers, our mistakes often come with immediate consequences, which can make them feel even harder to endure. Maybe a decision didn’t pan out the way you hoped, or maybe you misread a situation and acted on incomplete information. These moments can leave us feeling like we’re not enough. But the reality is that these low points are part of the caregiving journey—and they can teach us invaluable lessons.
When we fail, it’s easy to become consumed by negative thoughts. We might feel ashamed, incompetent, or even question whether we’re cut out for the role of caregiving. But here’s the thing: failure doesn’t define you. What defines you is how you respond to it. If you lean into the experience with a mindset of growth, failure can become one of your greatest teachers.
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned as a caregiver is the importance of reflection. When something goes wrong, take a step back and ask yourself: What really happened? What could I have done differently? And most importantly, what can I take away from this experience to make me a better caregiver moving forward? These questions aren’t about beating yourself up—they’re about uncovering the wisdom that lies within the failure.

I want to share a story about a time a caregiver misunderstood their mom’s needs. The mom was having a particularly difficult day—agitated and restless. The caregiver, let’s call her Susan, thought she could calm her by redirecting her attention with one of her favorite activities, so she brought out some puzzles her mom loves. But instead of calming her, it frustrated her more. Mom threw the puzzle pieces across the room and started crying. In that moment, Sue felt like she had failed. She thought, How could I have made things worse?  But later, as she reflected on the situation, She realized that she hadn’t noticed the signs of physical discomfort. Mom’s agitation wasn’t about boredom; it was about being in pain. That moment taught Susan to listen more closely to her nonverbal cues and to pay attention to the root of her mom’s emotions instead of jumping straight to a solution.

It’s important to note that reflecting on failure isn’t about dwelling on what went wrong—it’s about extracting the lesson and letting it guide your future decisions. In fact, these lessons often lead us to create better systems and develop more confidence in our caregiving. The mistake Susan made with her mom that day actually strengthened her ability to anticipate her needs. It made her more attuned to her mom’s signals and taught Susan to slow down and observe before acting.

Sometimes, the lessons we learn from failure extend beyond caregiving itself. They teach us about patience, resilience, and humility. They remind us that it’s okay not to have all the answers and that seeking help or advice doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re wise.

If you’re currently grappling with a caregiving failure, I want to encourage you to treat yourself with kindness. You’re not perfect, and you’re not supposed to be. None of us are. Mistakes are proof that you’re trying, that you’re showing up, and that you care deeply. Use those mistakes as stepping stones. Each failure has the potential to propel you closer to becoming the caregiver you aspire to be.

Remember, caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be good days and bad days, moments of triumph and moments of defeat. The key is to stay committed to learning and growing, even when it feels hard. When you embrace your failures and extract their lessons, you become not just a caregiver but a stronger, more empathetic, and more resourceful person.

As we wrap up this episode, I want you to take a moment to reflect. Think about a time when you felt like you failed as a caregiver. What did you learn from that experience? How did it shape the way you approach your role today? Write it down if you can, and keep it as a reminder that your growth often comes from the places where you stumble.

Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you—please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. See you in the next episode of Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers.