Ep 15 From Breakdown to Breakthrough_ The Power of Caregiver Recovery

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Today we are continuing our new series called, Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. This is the third installment of this series and I trust that the information is helping you. In life, we face failure often. Now add caregiving to that, and the number of failed attempts can increase exponentially. We need ways of dealing with these failed attempts. Please notice that I called these failed attempts. It is important so that we don't listen to the inner critic telling us that we are failures. Anyway, please listen to every episode in this series as we dissect failure and learn how to move forward.

Hi, my name is Reggie and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, mental, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.

Let’s get into today’s episode. Today we’re talking about bouncing back stronger.

When you’re in the trenches of caregiving, failures can feel like massive setbacks. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-blame and discouragement. But what I want to share with you today is the concept of resilience. Resilience is what allows us to face challenges, adapt to them, and emerge even stronger. It’s not about pretending the mistakes didn’t happen or trying to bury them. It’s about choosing to recover and grow despite them.
Here is a case in point. Yesterday, I made a rookie error in caring for my mom. My mom has been on tube feeds for about a year. Thank God, that she is doing quite well on the tube feeds. My mom is also, mostly in the bed right now. Anyway, I went to change her and as usual, I disconnect the feeding line when I change her. Well guess what happened, I somehow forgot to reattach the feeding line and I actually left the pump running. Here’s the kicker, I was sitting right next to mom’s bed, working on the computer, and for at least an hour that pump was running and contents of her food were dripping on the carpet. I never noticed. I thought she was hooked up the whole time.
Now I am going to be transparent with you, I was freaking angry with myself for about ten minutes. However, I got myself together and made a new commitment to triple check the status of her tube feeding after I change her, or anytime I disconnect her. Now I will be more attuned in this area. In the past, I may have beat up on myself for days, for making such a careless mistake. Not anymore. I have learned how to bounce back better.

One of the first steps to bouncing back is acknowledging that failure is not the opposite of success; it is part of success. Every caregiver who has ever done this work has had moments of defeat. But those moments are like the growing pains of a larger journey. They are the moments that stretch you, teach you, and prepare you for what’s ahead.

I want to share another practical example from another person’s caregiving experience. Early on in their journey, this caregiver was determined to manage everything perfectly—every schedule, every appointment, every need. One day she overscheduled herself. She had planned for her physical therapy, a grocery run, and a visit to the doctor all in one morning. By the time she and her loved-one made it halfway through, they both were exhausted.  It led to a complete meltdown for both of them. At that moment, the caregiver felt like she had completely failed her loved-one. She didn’t know how to manage her time, and she had put her loved-one through something she wasn’t ready for.

But here’s what that experience taught her and I trust you will glean some wisdom from this experience as well: She needed to slow down. She learned that her eagerness to do everything was actually counterproductive. She became more intentional about building rest into their routines and listening to what her loved-one could handle each day. That mistake shaped the way she approached caregiving moving forward, and it made both of their lives better.

Resilience is about finding those lessons. It’s about being honest with yourself about what went wrong, but also recognizing the opportunities it provides for growth. The next time you encounter a setback, try this: pause, reflect, and reframe. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What can I do differently next time? And just as importantly, remind yourself that this one moment does not define you.

Another key to bouncing back stronger is surrounding yourself with the right support. Caregiving is not meant to be done in isolation. Talk to someone you trust—a family member, a friend, or a support group of other caregivers. Sharing your challenges and hearing how others have faced similar struggles can give you a new perspective and remind you that you’re not alone.

There’s also power in practicing self-care. When we make mistakes, our first instinct is often to punish ourselves, whether that’s through self-criticism or neglecting our own needs. But resilience requires you to prioritize your well-being. It’s hard to bounce back if you’re running on empty. Make time for small things that replenish you, whether it’s a short walk, reading a book, or just sitting quietly for a few moments.

Lastly, I want to encourage you to focus on progress, not perfection. Resilience doesn’t mean you’ll never make another mistake. It means you’ll keep showing up, learning, and doing your best each day. You don’t need to be perfect for your loved one. You just need to be present, willing, and compassionate.

So if you’re feeling stuck after a caregiving failure, remember that resilience is a choice. It’s the choice to rise, to grow, and to keep moving forward. You are stronger than you think, and every time you bounce back, you’re showing your loved one how much they mean to you.

Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you—please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. See you in the next episode of Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers.