Ep 13 Messing Up Doesn’t Mean Giving Up: A Caregiver’s Guide to Moving Forward

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. This week we are starting a new series called Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. As family caregivers, most of us are doing things for which we were not trained, and it is very difficult. We face failure often and need to know what to do with it. Listen to every episode in this series as we dissect failure and learn how to move forward.
Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.
Let’s dive into today’s topic: The Weight of Mistakes.

Caregiving is one of the most important and selfless roles a person can take on, but it doesn’t come with a manual. From day one, we are in uncharted territory, making decisions that feel overwhelming because so much is at stake. And let’s face it—when things go wrong, the pain cuts deep. You might ask yourself, “What if I had done it differently? Could I have prevented this?” These are the thoughts that keep us awake at night, and they can weigh heavily on our hearts.
Let me tell you something that I’ve learned the hard way: mistakes are inevitable. It’s not a matter of if you’ll mess up, but when. Whether it’s forgetting a medication dose, losing your patience in a stressful moment, or making a decision that didn’t work out, these moments happen to all of us. They don’t make you a bad caregiver; they make you human.
The truth is, most of us step into caregiving with little to no training. We’re learning as we go, juggling emotions, responsibilities, and a steep learning curve. It’s hard enough without carrying the crushing weight of guilt for not being perfect. And yet, so many of us do exactly that. We hold ourselves to impossible standards and then beat ourselves up when we fall short. But here’s the good news: failure is not the end of the story.
Let’s reframe this. Instead of seeing failure as a judgment on your worth as a caregiver, view it as an opportunity for growth. Each mistake holds a lesson, something to learn and improve upon. Yes, the weight of mistakes can feel heavy, but that weight can also make us stronger, if we let it.
I remember a time when I gave my mom the missed a dosage of a medication. When I realized my error, I was horrified. The “what ifs” plagued me: What if this harms her? What if I can’t fix it? I felt like I had failed her completely. I couldn’t stop replaying the moment in my head, thinking of all the ways I could have prevented it. But what I learned from that experience was invaluable. I developed a system for managing her medications that prevented future mistakes. I started writing everything down in a log, double-checking the dosages before administering anything, and setting alarms to ensure I stayed on schedule. That failure, as painful as it was, became a turning point.
If you’re feeling the weight of a mistake, take a moment to breathe. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can with the knowledge and tools you have at this moment. And if you need to cry, let yourself cry. Tears are not a sign of weakness; they are a release. Then, when you’re ready, ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can I do better next time?
Mistakes often reveal blind spots or areas where we need more support. Maybe you’re trying to do too much on your own and need to delegate some tasks. Maybe you need to create better systems or seek guidance from a professional. Whatever the case, mistakes can become the catalyst for positive change if you let them.
I also want to remind you that your loved one doesn’t expect you to be perfect. They don’t need perfection; they need presence. They need someone who shows up, day after day, even when things get hard. Your consistency and love matter so much more than any mistake you’ve made.
Here is a great quote that you should commit to memory: “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” Every caregiver will encounter moments where they wish they could hit rewind, but what truly matters is how you respond. Will you let the mistake define you? Or will you let it refine you?
If you’re listening to this and feeling the weight of guilt from a recent mistake, I want to challenge you to take one small step forward today. Maybe that means apologizing if your mistake hurt someone. Maybe it means setting up a system to prevent it from happening again. Or maybe it simply means forgiving yourself and choosing to keep going. Whatever it is, take that step, and know that it’s part of your journey as a caregiver.
I’ll leave you with this thought: You are not alone. Every caregiver has had moments of failure. It’s part of the process. What sets you apart is your willingness to learn, grow, and keep showing up for your loved one. That’s what makes you an incredible caregiver.
Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you, please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. See you in the next episode of Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers.