S2 Ep 10 - After the Storm_ How Caregivers Can Recover and Reconnect After Aggression

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Thanks for joining me today, and I’m so glad you’re here. Today, we’re wrapping up our 5-part series, Navigating Aggression as a Dementia Caregiver. I trust you’ve gained insights and gathered new tools throughout this series.

Also, please remember that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you’re dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.

As we conclude this series, I want to focus on something deeply personal and vital: how to recover after an aggressive episode. These moments can feel like storms—unpredictable, overwhelming, and emotionally draining. But recovery, both for you and your loved one, is not only possible but essential for moving forward.

Imagine this: A caregiver named Sarah has just experienced a difficult episode with her dad, who has dementia. He became angry, yelling at her and knocking over a chair. The storm passed quickly, and he’s now sitting quietly, unaware of the impact the moment has had on her. Sarah, however, feels a mix of emotions—sadness, frustration, guilt, and exhaustion. She doesn’t know how to pick herself back up.

This scenario is all too common. When aggression subsides, it leaves a residue of emotions for both the caregiver and their loved one. The first step in recovery is to acknowledge what happened without judgment. Take a moment to name what you’re feeling. Are you angry, hurt, or simply drained? Recognizing your emotions allows you to process them instead of letting them fester.

Next, give yourself permission to pause. Step away, even if just for five minutes, to breathe and regroup. One technique that may be helpful in these moments is something called the grounding practice. Place both feet on the floor, take a deep breath, and say aloud: “I am safe. I am calm. I am here.” This simple act can help reset your nervous system and bring you back to a place of stability.

For your loved one, recovery is about re-establishing a sense of calm and connection. After an aggressive episode, they may feel unsettled or confused, even if they don’t show it. Approach them gently, with a soft tone and open body language. You might say, “Everything is okay now. Let’s sit together for a moment.” Offering reassurance without revisiting the episode helps them feel safe.

Sometimes, it’s helpful to engage in a soothing activity together. This could be as simple as holding their hand, listening to soft music, or looking through a photo album. Familiar and comforting activities can rebuild a sense of trust and ease for both of you.

But let’s talk about the harder part: the aftermath in your own heart. It’s easy to internalize these episodes, to replay them in your mind and wonder what you could have done differently. Here’s the truth: You are not to blame. Aggression is a symptom of the disease, not a reflection of your caregiving. Be kind to yourself. Extend the same grace to yourself that you would to a friend in your situation.

In Get Risen, I wrote an affirmation that feels perfect for this moment: “I am giving my best and passing life’s test.” Caregiving isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, doing your best, and learning as you go. You’re already doing that, and it’s more than enough.

To recover fully, make self-care a priority. After an episode, consider these steps:

• Talk it out. Share your experience with a trusted friend, support group, or even in our Facebook community at https://bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook. Talking about what happened can be a powerful way to release the weight of the moment.
• Move your body. Physical activity, even something as simple as a walk, can help release pent-up stress and restore your emotional balance.
• Journal your thoughts. Writing about what happened can help you process your feelings and identify what might help in future episodes.
• Celebrate small victories. Did you stay calm during the episode? Did you find a way to reconnect afterward? Acknowledge these moments as wins—they matter.

As we wrap up this series, I want to leave you with a simple yet profound truth: You are stronger than you think. Aggressive episodes are tough, but they don’t define you or your loved one. They are moments—challenging ones—but you have the tools, the heart, and the resilience to navigate them.

If this series has spoken to you, please share it with another caregiver who might need these insights. And don’t forget to join our Facebook community, where you’ll find connection, encouragement, and support from people who truly understand.

Until next time, dear caregiver, remember: you are not alone, and your efforts are not in vain. You’re making a difference every day. Take care of yourself and your loved one. You’ve got this.