S3 Ep 15 - The Caregiver’s Burden: When Love Feels Like Too Much

Welcome back to Caregiver Secrets! This is the podcast where we share real talk, practical tips, and heartfelt stories to support those who give their all in caring for a loved one. I’m so grateful you’re here today. Caregiving can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Together, we’ll navigate the ups and downs with honesty, encouragement, and a whole lot of heart.

Before we dive in, just a quick reminder—this podcast is for informational and support purposes only. It’s not medical, financial, or health advice. Always consult with the right professionals for your specific needs. My goal is to empower you, but what you choose to do is completely up to you.

Now, let’s get into today’s episode. I hope this story speaks to you.

Sam had always been a patient man. For thirty-seven years, he and his wife, Elaine, had built a life together, full of laughter, road trips, and shared dreams. Then came the diagnosis. Elaine had dementia. At first, it was little things—forgetting appointments, repeating questions—but soon, even the simplest tasks became battlegrounds. And nothing was worse than bath time.

It started with resistance. “Not today, Sam. I’m fine,” she would say, waving him off. But days passed, and he knew he had to find a way. When he insisted, her resistance escalated into anger, then fear. She would cry, cling to her clothes, and plead with him. It shattered him. He felt helpless.

One evening, after another failed attempt, Sam collapsed into his chair, exhausted and defeated. He felt the weight of every frustration, every time he had tried to reason with her, every time he had forced what seemed like a simple necessity. He closed his eyes and prayed, “Lord, show me another way.”

The next morning, he approached bath time differently. Instead of announcing it, he turned on soft music and dimmed the bathroom lights. He ran warm water and placed lavender-scented towels on the sink. He sat beside Elaine, holding her hand, speaking softly about a time they had visited the beach and let the waves wash over their feet. “Remember that feeling, sweetheart? How warm the water was?” She smiled, nodding slowly.

“Would you like to dip your feet in for a moment? Just like back then?” he asked. Hesitantly, she agreed. Slowly, with patience and warmth, he guided her into the bath, never rushing, never demanding. That night, for the first time in months, she bathed without fear.

Sam had discovered something profound: bathing was never just about hygiene. For Elaine, it was about control, about dignity, about trust. He learned to work with her emotions instead of against them. He incorporated gentle approaches like warm washcloths instead of full immersion, a calming voice instead of instructions, and a steady, reassuring presence.

For so many caregivers, bathing becomes a battle. But understanding why it’s terrifying for someone with dementia changes everything. Fear of falling, discomfort with temperature, feeling exposed—these are real concerns. The key is creating a sense of safety, familiarity, and autonomy. If they refuse, don’t force them. Try again later. Find alternatives, like sponge baths or gentle cloth wipes. Sometimes, a simple change—like letting them wash themselves with guidance—makes all the difference.

Caregiving isn’t just about getting tasks done; it’s about preserving dignity. And that requires patience, creativity, and love.

I want to leave you with this mantra from my book, Get Risen: "I am living in God's creative flow, so all the old ineffective ways I now let go." When one method doesn’t work, we try another. When frustration sets in, we take a breath and approach with love. Every challenge is an opportunity to find a new way.

I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever faced a battle with bathing? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.

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Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.