S3 Ep 18 Honoring Their Legacy_ Keeping Memories Alive When Dementia Fades

Welcome to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! Here, we offer practical advice, heartfelt stories, and support for caregivers. Thank you for joining us today. Remember, you're not alone. Together, we'll navigate the joys and challenges of caregiving.

My dear friends, this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.

I hope this story resonates with you.

David sat quietly in the living room, his eyes tracing the familiar creases in his hands. He could hear the soft rustling of pages as his wife, Eleanor, flipped through an old photo album at the dining table. The late afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting long, golden rays across the floor. It had become their routine—these quiet moments together. But today, something felt different.

Eleanor’s brow furrowed. “David,” she called, her voice carrying an urgency he hadn’t heard in a while. “I need to go home. My father is expecting me.”

David swallowed hard. He had learned long ago that reasoning wouldn’t help. Eleanor’s father had passed decades ago, and this house had been their home for over thirty years. Yet, in her mind, the past and present blurred together like watercolors bleeding into one another.

“Tell me about home,” he said gently, moving to sit beside her. “What’s your father like?”

She beamed, her eyes lighting up. “Oh, he’s wonderful! He always smelled like fresh cedarwood, and he used to sing while fixing things around the house. He’s waiting for me.”

David nodded. “That sounds like a man who loved you very much.” He reached for the album in front of her, flipping to a page filled with black-and-white photos. “Is this him?”

Eleanor’s gaze softened as she traced the edges of a worn photo with her fingertips. “Yes, that’s him,” she whispered. The tension in her shoulders eased.

“You know, he’d want you to be comfortable,” David said. “Why don’t we sit a little longer and have some tea before we go?”

She hesitated but then nodded, allowing herself to be gently redirected. As David poured the tea, he knew this moment would come again. But for now, peace had been restored, and that was enough.

Creating a legacy isn’t just about preserving memories; it’s about honoring the life of a loved one while they are still here. As caregivers, we often find ourselves caught between holding onto the past and embracing the present. The challenge is learning how to celebrate the person they are today while carrying forward the stories, lessons, and love they’ve shared with us.

There are many ways to do this. Some caregivers keep a journal, jotting down daily moments of joy, funny conversations, or even small victories. Others create memory boxes filled with treasured keepsakes, letters, or voice recordings. For some, it’s about ensuring that traditions continue—cooking a favorite family recipe, singing old songs, or telling stories that have been passed down for generations.

One powerful way to honor your loved one’s legacy is through storytelling. When memories begin to fade, telling stories together can help anchor them in something tangible. Ask open-ended questions: “What was your childhood home like?” “What’s the best advice you ever received?” “What did you dream of becoming when you were young?” Even if the answers change from day to day, the act of engaging, of valuing their words and emotions, creates a connection that outlasts memory.

I think back to my own journey caring for my mother. I have been caring for her for over 10 years now. I keep her at home with me.  I remember the days when she would know exactly who I was and the days when she struggled to remember why this strange man was in the house with her.  But what mattered most was the feeling she had in those moments of recognition—safe, loved, honored. It wasn’t about forcing her to hold onto what was slipping away; it was about creating new moments, rooted in love, that gave her peace.

As caregivers, we sometimes fear that when memories fade, the essence of who our loved ones are will fade too. But legacy isn’t just about what they remember—it’s about what we carry forward. It’s in the way we speak their name, in the traditions we uphold, and in the love we continue to share with others.

A mantra from my book Get Risen comes to mind: I Am Creating Every Day, and I Am Seeing What I Say. When you choose to see and honor the goodness in your loved one—even on the hardest days—you are creating a legacy that will last beyond their years.

If you’ve found ways to preserve your loved one’s legacy, I’d love to hear about it. Join us in the Caregiver Secrets Facebook group, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. And if you’re looking for daily inspiration and support, check out my book, Get Risen, available now.

Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more meaning to our journey. Until next time, take care.