S3 Ep 2 - The Redirect Trick: How to Instantly Turn Dementia Chaos into Calm

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! As many of you know, this is the show where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those who give their all to care for loved ones. Thank you for listening today. I want you to remember that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.

As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s talk my friends.

Season 3 is here, and as I mentioned in yesterday’s episode, we’re focusing on “Mastering the Moments: Practical Strategies for Everyday Caregiving.” Today we will be speaking about a topic that I know will help you as a caregiver.

Here is a great story that illustrates what we are discussing. Imagine a woman named Karen, a devoted daughter caring for her father, who has Alzheimer’s. One evening, just as she was about to start preparing dinner, her father became increasingly agitated. He insisted that he needed to leave the house immediately—he had an urgent meeting at work, a job he had retired from nearly two decades ago. At first, Karen tried to reason with him. “Dad, you don’t work anymore. You retired a long time ago.” But the more she insisted, the more frustrated and anxious he became. His hands trembled, his face flushed, and he began pacing the room, repeating, “I have to go, I have to go!”

That’s when Karen remembered something she had learned—arguing with logic wouldn’t work. Instead of correcting him, she took a deep breath, softened her voice, and said, “Oh, you have a meeting? That’s important. Let me check the schedule for you.” She walked over to the counter, pretended to look at a calendar, and then smiled. “It looks like the meeting was rescheduled for tomorrow. You’re all set for tonight.” As soon as she said it, his tension melted away. His body relaxed, and he sat down in his chair as if the urgency had never existed. She handed him a warm cup of tea and turned on his favorite old jazz record. Within minutes, he was humming along, the crisis completely diffused.

This kind of redirection isn’t about deception—it’s about meeting our loved ones where they are. As dementia progresses, logic fades, but emotions remain. When we understand that, we can move from conflict to calm by using techniques like validation therapy, sensory engagement, and creative distraction.

I had to learn early on how to redirect my own mother. For some reason, she got it in her mind that the house across the street was where she stayed. I think she thought it was her childhood home. When she first tried to go there, I would tell her that where she was now was her home. Of course, that made matters worse. She would insist, growing increasingly upset, convinced I was keeping her from where she truly belonged. I learned that it was wiser to tell her that no one was home there and that we could go later. That worked like a charm. It was actually hard for me to do this at first because I had always been pretty honest with my mom. I was never good at being dishonest. But I had to learn to weigh the greater good. This kind of redirection became the way I helped Mom overcome many of her misconceptions caused by the disease.

So why does redirection work so well? Research from the Alzheimer’s Association tells us that dementia affects the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for reasoning—while the emotional centers remain relatively intact. This means that instead of relying on logic, we have to tap into emotions and sensory experiences. Naomi Feil’s Validation Therapy teaches us that when we acknowledge emotions instead of correcting facts, we reduce agitation. Instead of saying, “That’s not true,” we can say, “That sounds really important to you.” This approach helps our loved ones feel heard rather than dismissed.

Dementia care expert Teepa Snow emphasizes the Distract and Engage method, which can be a game-changer. Engaging the senses—whether through touch, sound, or movement—can successfully shift focus away from distress. Some caregivers use go-to distractions like familiar songs, warm towels, or small repetitive tasks like folding laundry. A simple change in environment—offering a snack, adjusting lighting, or even stepping outside for fresh air—can also do wonders.

The key is knowing when to use redirection and when to use validation. If a loved one is expressing distress about something real, like feeling cold or hungry, we address the need. But if the distress is based on confusion—like believing they need to go to work or that a deceased loved one is waiting for them—we redirect. It’s not about lying; it’s about helping them feel safe and understood.

Caregiving is full of these small but powerful shifts. When we stop insisting on reality and start meeting our loved ones where they are, we transform tense moments into peaceful ones. It takes practice, patience, and a willingness to let go of what we think should work in favor of what actually does.

I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever used redirection to shift a tough moment? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.

And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.

Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.

Until next time, keep going. You are seen, you are appreciated, and you are never alone. And remember, You’ve got this!