S3 Ep 4 The Secret Language of Love How to Communicate When Words No Longer Work

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! My desire is to share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for you, the caregiver.  You will be glad you listened today. I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.

Let me just let you know: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.

Listen to this story that perfectly depicts what we are discussing today.

Ella had always been a talker. Whether it was morning phone calls with her sister or long chats over coffee with her best friend, words were her way of connecting. But now, as she cared for her father, James, who was deep in the throes of dementia, she found herself struggling. Conversations that used to flow so easily had become riddled with confusion and frustration.

“Dad, do you remember who I am?” she asked one morning, hopeful yet fearful of his answer.

James furrowed his brow and looked at her carefully. “You’re… someone important,” he said, his voice trailing off.

It hurt. Every time. But she tried to smile. “That’s right, Dad. I’m someone important.”

Still, she couldn’t shake the sadness. She wanted so desperately to keep their bond alive, but words, once her greatest ally, were failing her.

One evening, after a particularly difficult day where James had refused to eat and then lashed out when she tried to help him change his shirt, Ella sat scrolling through a dementia caregivers’ forum. She came across a discussion about nonverbal communication. The post mentioned research from Dr. Albert Mehrabian, who found that 93% of communication is nonverbal. It also referenced Dr. Giacomo Rizzolatti’s studies on mirror neurons, explaining that emotions—especially calmness and kindness—could be mirrored by dementia patients even when words didn’t register.

Ella decided to try something new.

The next morning, instead of asking James a direct question, she simply sat beside him and held his hand. When he looked at her, she smiled—not just a polite smile, but one filled with warmth and familiarity. She noticed how his expression softened.

Later, when it was time for breakfast, instead of urging him to eat, she placed a spoon in her own mouth first, making exaggerated chewing motions and nodding as if to say, “This is good.” James, watching her, slowly picked up his spoon and mirrored her action.

Encouraged, she started using more gestures and facial expressions to guide their day. If she needed him to stand, she extended her hand and gestured upwards, making sure her body language was inviting rather than forceful. If he seemed confused, she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and nodded, silently conveying that everything was okay.

She also learned to read his nonverbal cues. When his hands clenched into fists or his shoulders tensed, she knew he was feeling anxious. Instead of trying to reason with him, she would hum softly—a tune from his childhood, something familiar—and place a gentle hand on his arm. More often than not, his breathing slowed, and his grip loosened.

One afternoon, they sat by the window watching birds hop around the feeder. James seemed particularly still, lost in thought. Then, without prompting, he reached over and patted her hand. “You’re someone important,” he murmured again.

This time, it didn’t sting. Instead, she squeezed his hand back and whispered, “And you are, too.”

By shifting her focus from words to presence, from talking to simply being, Ella found a new way to connect with her father. She had spent so much time mourning the conversations they could no longer have that she almost missed the language they could still share—the language of smiles, touch, and warmth.

For caregivers, nonverbal communication is an essential skill. As dementia progresses, words often fade, but emotions remain. Research has shown that tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions carry more weight than the words themselves. Even simple adjustments—like slowing down movements, maintaining gentle eye contact, and using gestures—can transform interactions, making them more reassuring and effective.

So, if you find yourself struggling to communicate with your loved one, take a step back. What is your body language saying? What energy are you bringing into the room? Sometimes, the most powerful message isn’t spoken—it’s felt.

I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever used nonverbal communication to connect with your loved one? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.

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Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. I wrote it specifically to and for other family caregivers and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.

Just remember, no matter what you are facing, you’ve got this!