S4 Ep1 Losing Yourself in Caregiving_ How to Reclaim Your Identity and Thrive!

Welcome to Season 4 of the Caregiver Secrets Podcast!

I cannot tell you how excited I am to kick off this new season with you! If you're a returning listener, welcome back. And if you're new here, let me just say—you've found your people. This is the show where we get real about the challenges of caregiving, share powerful strategies, and, most importantly, remind each other that we are more than the struggles we face.

This season, we’re diving deeper than ever before. We’ve spent the past few seasons talking about essential caregiving skills, emotional resilience, and survival strategies—but this season? We’re moving beyond survival into thriving.

Here’s what’s coming up in Season 4:

Who Are You Beyond Caregiving? We’ll tackle the caregiver identity crisis and how to rediscover yourself beyond your role.

From Burnout to Balance—Neuroscience-backed strategies to help you avoid exhaustion without guilt.

Breaking the Cycle of Caregiver Fatigue—How to set boundaries and actually stick to them.

Music Therapy Magic—How music can help reduce stress, manage dementia symptoms, and create meaningful connection.

Preserving Legacies—Creative ways to capture your loved one’s stories before they’re lost.

But we’re not stopping there. We’re also diving into the unspoken struggles of caregiving:

Being the ‘Strong One’—How to stop bottling up your emotions and start finding healthy outlets.

Family Drama—What to do when you’re the only one who cares.

Medical Emergencies 101—How to stay calm and in control when the unexpected happens.

Resentment and Regret—Yes, we’re going there.

The Caregiver’s Financial Wake-Up Call—How to protect yourself financially while caregiving.

And for those of you who are facing advanced challenges, we’ve got you covered too:

Late-Stage Dementia Care—What no one tells you about the toughest stage.

The Sleep Struggle is Real—Managing sundowning and nighttime agitation without medication.

Having the ‘Impossible’ Conversations—How to talk about hospice, DNRs, and end-of-life choices.

Pain Recognition—How to know when your loved one is suffering, even if they can’t tell you.

Relationships While Caregiving—Can you have love and romance while being a caregiver? Let’s talk about it.

And for those thinking about life after caregiving:

How to Plan for Your Own Future While Caregiving

How to Prepare the Next Generation of Caregivers

Rediscovering Purpose When Your Role Ends

This season is all about real talk, real solutions, and real support. We’re getting into the hard stuff, but we’re also going to make sure you leave every episode with something practical you can apply to your caregiving journey.

So, buckle up, my friend, because this season is going to be a game-changer. And if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe and Follow this podcast so you don’t miss a single episode.

Before we begin, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s dive in.

Now, let’s get into today’s episode.

I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.

Michael had been married to Sarah for 38 years when her early signs of dementia began to appear. At first, it was little things—misplaced keys, forgotten appointments. But as the disease progressed, their roles shifted. The woman who had always been his equal partner, his best friend, began to rely on him for everything.

Michael wasn’t just her husband anymore—he was her caregiver. And in that transition, something unexpected happened. He started to lose himself.

He had always been the man who loved to go fishing on Saturdays, who could spend hours working on his car in the garage, who had a laugh so deep and warm that it made people smile just hearing it. But now? He couldn’t remember the last time he had picked up a fishing rod. His tools sat untouched. And when was the last time he had laughed—not the polite chuckle he gave to reassure others, but the kind of laughter that made his whole body shake?

Sarah needed him. Every waking moment was filled with managing her medication, watching for signs of distress, handling the mounting medical paperwork, and trying to soothe her when the world around her no longer made sense. And in doing so, Michael started to fade.

One night, he sat by the kitchen table, head in his hands, exhausted beyond words. He felt empty, like a shell of the man he used to be. “Who am I anymore?” he whispered into the quiet.

That question—Who am I anymore?—is one that so many caregivers face. It’s the silent struggle that few talk about. The slow erosion of self-identity when the role of caregiver takes over everything else.

Research shows that this isn’t just a feeling—it’s a recognized phenomenon. A study published in The Gerontologist found that nearly 40% of family caregivers experience a crisis of identity. They struggle with feeling like they have lost the person they once were. And it makes sense—when every ounce of energy goes into caring for someone else, there’s little left for yourself.

So how do we, as caregivers, reclaim our identities? How do we find ourselves again when the role of caregiving consumes so much?

One of the most powerful steps is recognizing that caregiving is part of who you are, but it is not all of who you are. This shift in perspective can be transformative.

Dr. Pauline Boss, a researcher in caregiver grief, introduced the concept of ambiguous loss—a type of loss that occurs when someone is physically present but psychologically absent. Caregivers often experience this with their loved ones, but they also experience it with themselves. They mourn the person they used to be, even as they continue to function in their new role.

Here’s the good news: You can reclaim yourself, even while caregiving. And you don’t have to wait until your caregiving journey ends to do it.

1. Reconnect with Past Interests in Small Ways
2. Create an Identity Statement
3. Set a Simple Goal for Yourself
4. Seek Out ‘Identity Anchors’

Michael learned this lesson in an unexpected way. One day, as he was helping Sarah get settled, she suddenly turned to him and said, “Do you remember the first time you took me fishing? I was awful at it.” And she laughed.

Something inside Michael stirred. Fishing. He hadn’t even thought about it in years. That night, after Sarah had fallen asleep, he went out to the garage. He ran his hands over his old fishing rod. And something shifted. He wasn’t just a caregiver. He was still Michael—the man who loved the water, who loved the quiet of early mornings, who had a life beyond dementia.

It didn’t change everything overnight. But it was a start.

So today, I want to leave you with this mantra:
"I am more than my role and I have a deep, strong, beautiful unshakeable soul.

Say it out loud. Write it down. Let it settle into your spirit. Because you are more than a caregiver. You are still you.

I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever struggled with losing yourself in caregiving? Share your thoughts in the Caregiver Secrets Facebook group at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook.

And if today’s episode spoke to you, grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen, at bit.ly/GetRisen.

Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding ways to thrive—not just survive. Until next time, take care and remember, You’ve got this!