S3 Ep6 - Silent Pain: Struggle of Dementia Patients (And How to Detect It Before It’s Too Late!)

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! As many of you know, this is the show where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those who give their all to care for loved ones. Thank you for listening today. I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.

As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.

Here is a heartfelt story that highlights what we are discussing today.

Jason never imagined that his life would take such a drastic turn. He was in his early 40s, a successful entrepreneur with a growing business, when his mother, Diane, was diagnosed with dementia. At first, it was just small things—misplacing keys, forgetting a name here and there. But as time went on, the changes became more pronounced. She would forget where she was in her own home, become agitated over seemingly minor issues, and sometimes lash out in frustration.

One evening, as Jason helped his mother prepare for bed, Diane suddenly became overwhelmed with fear. Her voice trembled, and her hands shook as she pointed at Jason, insisting he was an intruder. Her panic escalated, turning into a full-blown outburst. Jason felt the sting of her words, the sharp edge of rejection from the woman who had always been his rock. But instead of arguing, instead of trying to force reality onto her, Jason remembered something he had read about dementia-related outbursts. He took a deep breath. He softened his stance. He matched her energy but then slowly guided it down.

“Mom,” he said gently, his voice steady but calm, “I see that you’re scared. I’m here to help you. Let’s sit together for a minute.”

His words weren’t a correction but an acknowledgment of what she felt. Slowly, Diane’s breathing steadied. Her hands stopped trembling. Jason reached for a soft blanket, one she had always loved, and draped it over her shoulders. Then, he hummed a song she used to sing to him as a child. Within moments, Diane’s eyes softened. The storm had passed.

Outbursts like these had once left Jason emotionally drained and helpless. But through experience, research, and trial and error, he learned that outbursts were often fueled by fear, pain, or confusion. By remaining calm, validating Diane’s emotions, and using redirection techniques, he could guide her back to a place of safety and peace.

Caregivers, sudden outbursts can be one of the most challenging parts of this journey. They can feel personal, overwhelming, even heartbreaking. But the key is understanding what’s underneath them. Research shows that common triggers include physical discomfort, sensory overload, and frustration from an inability to communicate. Immediate de-escalation techniques include maintaining a calm tone, mirroring the person’s emotional state, and using grounding techniques like a favorite object or familiar music.

Prevention is just as important. Consider the environment. Is there too much noise? Too many people talking at once? Are they hungry? Are they in pain but unable to express it? Establishing predictable routines, using non-verbal communication, and proactively managing their surroundings can significantly reduce outbursts.

One mantra from my book, Get Risen, has been especially helpful to me and other caregivers:

I am strong and alive, and I am destined to thrive.

In the middle of difficult moments, repeat this to yourself. You are stronger than this moment. You are not just surviving this journey—you are growing through it.

I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever faced an outburst that took you by surprise? How did you handle it? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.

And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.

Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.

Thank you for being here. Remember, you are not alone. Keep showing up, keep giving yourself grace, and know that what you’re doing matters. Until next time, take care.