Caregiver Secrets

S2 Ep 1- The Invisible Backpack: Lightening the Overwhelming Load of Caregiving

Welcome to Caregiver Secrets, the show where we unravel the untold truths of caregiving and empower you to thrive, not just survive. I celebrate you as we begin an epic Season 2 of our podcast. This season, we’re on a journey—from despair to empowerment. Today, we’re starting where most caregivers find themselves: overwhelmed, exhausted, and unsure if they can take one more step. If that’s you, know this—you’re not alone, and there’s a way forward. Let’s lighten that load together.
 
Picture this: You’re walking slowly through a dense, shadowy forest with a backpack slung over your shoulders. At first, it’s light, manageable. But with each step, stones are added—a rock for the doctor’s appointment you just scheduled, another for the bills piling up, and then boulders representing insidious guilt that whispers, Am I doing enough?
Soon, the weight feels unbearable. You stumble, desperate for relief. Here’s the thing: Caregiving isn’t about being a superhero who never falters. It’s about learning when to set the bag down, take a breath, and say, This is hard, but I can do this with help.
In Get Risen, I wrote, “Caregiving can feel like an endless circus act, juggling flaming swords while the audience critiques your every move”​. I bet that sounds familiar. But what if you stopped trying to perform for an audience of family members, friends and medical professionals and focused on what matters: keeping yourself upright and moving forward, one freaking step at a time?
 
Let’s talk about pausing. Not the kind where you quit or give up, but the kind that lets you breathe, reset, and regroup. You can even start while you’re listening to this episode. Here’s how:
Name Your StonesTake a moment and mentally unload your invisible backpack. What’s weighing you down today? Write it down if you can. Is it guilt, worry, frustration or all of the above? By naming these weights, you start to take back control.
Breathe DeeplyPause right now and take three deep breaths with me. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for six. Feel your shoulders drop, your chest open, and your mind start to clear.
Find One Thing to ReleasePick one "stone" from your list and let it go—just for today. It could be the guilt over yesterday’s argument or the worry about tomorrow’s doctor appointment. Trust that it’s okay to set it down, even temporarily.
Replace the Burden with GraceReflect on this quote: “Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7)​. Visualize yourself handing over your worries to someone stronger, someone who cares deeply for you.
Invite JoyThis might sound simple, but think of one thing—just one—that brings you joy. It could be a funny memory, a favorite song, or a silly video you’ll watch later. Laughter truly is the best medicine​.
Anchor in EncouragementReflect on this caregiver quote: “From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I” (Psalm 61:2)​ Remember, you’re not alone in this journey.
By pausing in these small, intentional ways, you’re not just surviving—you’re building strength for the road ahead.
Caregiving is heavy, but laughter can be a release valve for the pressure. Research shows that laughter reduces stress, boosts immunity, and increases endorphins, those feel-good chemicals your brain craves​
I’ll never forget the story of a caregiver who walked in on her mom attempting to "discipline" the houseplants for not growing faster. At first, she wanted to cry, but instead, she burst into laughter. That moment of absurdity became a treasured memory. Laughter doesn’t fix everything, but it sure helps you catch your breath when life feels suffocating.
Caregiving isn’t just emotionally taxing—it’s physically and financially draining. Studies show that caregivers for loved ones with severe dementia face increased absenteeism, sleep deprivation, and even long-term health risks​.
Here’s my plea: Ask for help. Consolidate appointments, tap into respite care, and join a support group. As I wrote in Get Risen, “Seeking help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom in action”​.
Imagine the forest again. You’re still walking, but now, sunlight breaks through the trees. You see a clearing up ahead, a place to rest and regain your strength. You’re not there yet, but you’re closer than you think.
In Get Risen, I shared: “Caregiving isn’t forever, but the lessons it teaches will last a lifetime. They will shape you, strengthen you, and prepare you for what’s next
"Thank you for taking this first step with me today. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And don’t forget—every time you pause, laugh, or ask for help, you’re proving to yourself and the world that caregiving is not just an act of service, but a testament to the strength of the human spirit. Until next time, breathe deeply, let go of guilt, and remember—you are stronger than you know."

Ep 17 Purpose Over Perfection_ How Caregivers Can Embrace the Journey Ahead

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved-ones. Today we are concluding our series called, Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. This is the fifth and final installment of our series, and we have made so much progress. We know that failed attempts don't define our caregiving journey. We are becoming pros at handling the negative emotions that try to trip us up as caregivers. We are wiser and much more resilient.Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I say almost every episode, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.Today’s topic is moving forward with purpose.When we talk about failure, it’s easy to get caught up in the past—what went wrong, what could have been done differently, and the regrets that come with those moments. But the real power of failure is not in the looking back; it’s in the moving forward. Moving forward with purpose means taking all the lessons, all the growth, and all the resilience you’ve built and using them to chart a path filled with meaning and intentionality.Purpose is what keeps us going on the hardest days. It’s what fuels us when we feel like we have nothing left to give. As caregivers, our purpose often lies in the love and care we provide for our loved-ones, but it can also include the growth and transformation we experience along the way. Caregiving has a way of changing you, of making you stronger, more patient, and more compassionate than you ever thought you could be. Moving forward with purpose means embracing that transformation and allowing it to guide your actions.When I think about purpose in my own caregiving journey, I reflect on the moments when I’ve seen how my care has made a difference in my mom’s life. It’s not always in the big things—sometimes it’s the way her face lights up when I sit and talk with her or how she relaxes when I hold her hand during a stressful moment. These moments remind me why I do what I do. They anchor me, especially on the days when everything feels overwhelming.Moving forward with purpose also means letting go of perfection. It means accepting that while you won’t get everything right, you will always show up and do your best. Purpose is not about flawless execution; it’s about consistent effort fueled by love and determination. It’s about focusing on what truly matters—the well-being of your loved-one and your own growth as a caregiver and as a mature human being.To move forward with purpose, you need a clear sense of your values and priorities. Ask yourself: What matters most to me as a caregiver? What do I want my loved-one to feel and experience under my care? What kind of person do I want to become through this journey? These questions can help you identify the core of your purpose and give you a framework for making decisions and handling challenges.It’s also important to take care of yourself as you move forward. Purpose doesn’t mean burning yourself out in the name of caregiving. It means finding a balance where you can give your best without neglecting your own needs. When you prioritize self-care, you’re better equipped to care for your loved-one and to keep moving forward with clarity and energy.As we wrap up this series, I want to leave you with this thought: Every failure, every challenge, every hard day has prepared you for the path ahead. You are not the same person you were when you started this journey. You are stronger, wiser, and more capable than you realize. Moving forward with purpose means recognizing that you have what it takes to face whatever comes next. It means trusting in your ability to learn, adapt, and grow.Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you—please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved-one. See you in the next episode of Caregiver Secrets.

Ep 16 Love Over Perfection_ Embracing Grace as a Caregiver

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Today we are continuing our new series called, Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. This is the fourth installment of our series, and we have covered a lot of ground together. We are now getting more and more adept at handling the failures that come to us as caregivers. We have discovered ways of dealing with failed attempts and even learned how to turn failures into lessons and to be more resilient. I hope you can see growth in yourself as we walk through these episodes together. Anyway, please listen to every episode in this series as we dissect failure and learn how to move forward.Hi, my name is Reggie and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.Let’s get into today’s episode. Today we’re talking about finding grace in the grind.Caregiving can often feel like a relentless cycle of tasks, responsibilities, and emotions. When you add failure into the mix, it can feel overwhelming. But here’s the truth I want to share with you today: grace can be your most powerful ally. Grace, in this context, is about showing compassion to yourself, accepting your imperfections, and finding moments of beauty even in the midst of chaos.As caregivers, many of us are naturally hard on ourselves. We hold ourselves to impossibly high standards, thinking that anything less than perfection means we’re letting our loved ones down. But perfection isn’t the goal. Love is the goal. And love allows room for mistakes, room for humanity, room for grace.I want to share a story that that teaches the importance of grace. One day, a caregiver completely mismanaged his dad’s morning routine. He was distracted by a phone call, and everything went off track. His dad ended up missing his breakfast, and his blood sugar levels dropped. By the time this caregiver realized, his dad was agitated and shaky, and the caregiver felt terrible. His inner critic immediately started in: How could you let this happen? Why weren’t you paying attention? But then he paused. He looked at his dad, and he saw how forgiving his dad was. He wasn’t holding a grudge; He wasn’t upset with his son. He just needed his son’s help to get back on track. In that moment, the caregiver realized he needed to give himself the same grace his dad was giving him.Grace allows us to acknowledge that we’re doing the best we can in a challenging situation. It helps us let go of guilt and shame so we can move forward. Without grace, caregiving becomes a burden that weighs us down. With grace, it becomes a journey of love, growth, and connection.One way to cultivate grace is to practice self-talk that is kind and constructive. Instead of saying, I failed again, try saying, This was a tough moment, but I’m learning. Instead of saying, I’ll never get this right, say, I’m doing my best, and that’s enough. The way we speak to ourselves matters deeply. When we extend grace to ourselves, we build the emotional strength we need to keep going.Another way to embrace grace is to look for small wins. Not every day will feel like a victory, but every day has moments of goodness if you look for them. Maybe it’s a smile from your loved-one, a moment of peace in the middle of a hectic day, or even just the fact that you got through it. Celebrating these small wins can help you focus on the positive and remind you of the impact you’re making.Grace also means recognizing that it’s okay to ask for help. If you have been listening to my podcast for a while you will know that I emphasize this often. You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s reaching out to a family member, hiring a professional caregiver, or joining a support group, seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of wisdom. It’s part of acknowledging your limits and making choices that benefit both you and your loved-one. Please get as much help as you can.Finally, grace allows us to see the beauty in the grind. Yes, caregiving is hard. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes thankless. But it’s also deeply meaningful. It’s an act of love that shapes who we are and strengthens our capacity for empathy, patience, and resilience. When we approach our caregiving journey with grace, we can find joy even in the hardest moments.So if you’re feeling weighed down by the grind of caregiving, take a moment to pause. Breathe. Remind yourself that you are enough, even with your imperfections. Look for the small wins, lean on your support system, and allow grace to guide you. You’re not just surviving this journey; you’re growing through it. And that is something to be proud of.Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you—please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. See you in the next episode of Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers.

Ep 15 From Breakdown to Breakthrough_ The Power of Caregiver Recovery

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Today we are continuing our new series called, Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. This is the third installment of this series and I trust that the information is helping you. In life, we face failure often. Now add caregiving to that, and the number of failed attempts can increase exponentially. We need ways of dealing with these failed attempts. Please notice that I called these failed attempts. It is important so that we don't listen to the inner critic telling us that we are failures. Anyway, please listen to every episode in this series as we dissect failure and learn how to move forward.
Hi, my name is Reggie and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, mental, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.
Let’s get into today’s episode. Today we’re talking about bouncing back stronger.
When you’re in the trenches of caregiving, failures can feel like massive setbacks. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-blame and discouragement. But what I want to share with you today is the concept of resilience. Resilience is what allows us to face challenges, adapt to them, and emerge even stronger. It’s not about pretending the mistakes didn’t happen or trying to bury them. It’s about choosing to recover and grow despite them.Here is a case in point. Yesterday, I made a rookie error in caring for my mom. My mom has been on tube feeds for about a year. Thank God, that she is doing quite well on the tube feeds. My mom is also, mostly in the bed right now. Anyway, I went to change her and as usual, I disconnect the feeding line when I change her. Well guess what happened, I somehow forgot to reattach the feeding line and I actually left the pump running. Here’s the kicker, I was sitting right next to mom’s bed, working on the computer, and for at least an hour that pump was running and contents of her food were dripping on the carpet. I never noticed. I thought she was hooked up the whole time.Now I am going to be transparent with you, I was freaking angry with myself for about ten minutes. However, I got myself together and made a new commitment to triple check the status of her tube feeding after I change her, or anytime I disconnect her. Now I will be more attuned in this area. In the past, I may have beat up on myself for days, for making such a careless mistake. Not anymore. I have learned how to bounce back better.
One of the first steps to bouncing back is acknowledging that failure is not the opposite of success; it is part of success. Every caregiver who has ever done this work has had moments of defeat. But those moments are like the growing pains of a larger journey. They are the moments that stretch you, teach you, and prepare you for what’s ahead.
I want to share another practical example from another person’s caregiving experience. Early on in their journey, this caregiver was determined to manage everything perfectly—every schedule, every appointment, every need. One day she overscheduled herself. She had planned for her physical therapy, a grocery run, and a visit to the doctor all in one morning. By the time she and her loved-one made it halfway through, they both were exhausted.  It led to a complete meltdown for both of them. At that moment, the caregiver felt like she had completely failed her loved-one. She didn’t know how to manage her time, and she had put her loved-one through something she wasn’t ready for.
But here’s what that experience taught her and I trust you will glean some wisdom from this experience as well: She needed to slow down. She learned that her eagerness to do everything was actually counterproductive. She became more intentional about building rest into their routines and listening to what her loved-one could handle each day. That mistake shaped the way she approached caregiving moving forward, and it made both of their lives better.
Resilience is about finding those lessons. It’s about being honest with yourself about what went wrong, but also recognizing the opportunities it provides for growth. The next time you encounter a setback, try this: pause, reflect, and reframe. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What can I do differently next time? And just as importantly, remind yourself that this one moment does not define you.
Another key to bouncing back stronger is surrounding yourself with the right support. Caregiving is not meant to be done in isolation. Talk to someone you trust—a family member, a friend, or a support group of other caregivers. Sharing your challenges and hearing how others have faced similar struggles can give you a new perspective and remind you that you’re not alone.
There’s also power in practicing self-care. When we make mistakes, our first instinct is often to punish ourselves, whether that’s through self-criticism or neglecting our own needs. But resilience requires you to prioritize your well-being. It’s hard to bounce back if you’re running on empty. Make time for small things that replenish you, whether it’s a short walk, reading a book, or just sitting quietly for a few moments.
Lastly, I want to encourage you to focus on progress, not perfection. Resilience doesn’t mean you’ll never make another mistake. It means you’ll keep showing up, learning, and doing your best each day. You don’t need to be perfect for your loved one. You just need to be present, willing, and compassionate.
So if you’re feeling stuck after a caregiving failure, remember that resilience is a choice. It’s the choice to rise, to grow, and to keep moving forward. You are stronger than you think, and every time you bounce back, you’re showing your loved one how much they mean to you.
Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you—please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. See you in the next episode of Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers.

Ep 14 Low Points, High Lessons_ What Caregiver Failures Teach Us

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Today we are continuing our new series called Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. As I said yesterday, family caregivers, at least most of us, are doing things for which we were not trained, and it is very difficult. We face failure often, and we need to know what to do with it. Listen to every episode in this series as we dissect failure and learn how to move forward.
Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.
Let’s dive into today’s topic: Learning From the Low.
Failure can be a bitter pill to swallow, but buried inside every setback is the potential for a breakthrough. As caregivers, our mistakes often come with immediate consequences, which can make them feel even harder to endure. Maybe a decision didn’t pan out the way you hoped, or maybe you misread a situation and acted on incomplete information. These moments can leave us feeling like we’re not enough. But the reality is that these low points are part of the caregiving journey—and they can teach us invaluable lessons.When we fail, it’s easy to become consumed by negative thoughts. We might feel ashamed, incompetent, or even question whether we’re cut out for the role of caregiving. But here’s the thing: failure doesn’t define you. What defines you is how you respond to it. If you lean into the experience with a mindset of growth, failure can become one of your greatest teachers.One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned as a caregiver is the importance of reflection. When something goes wrong, take a step back and ask yourself: What really happened? What could I have done differently? And most importantly, what can I take away from this experience to make me a better caregiver moving forward? These questions aren’t about beating yourself up—they’re about uncovering the wisdom that lies within the failure.
I want to share a story about a time a caregiver misunderstood their mom’s needs. The mom was having a particularly difficult day—agitated and restless. The caregiver, let’s call her Susan, thought she could calm her by redirecting her attention with one of her favorite activities, so she brought out some puzzles her mom loves. But instead of calming her, it frustrated her more. Mom threw the puzzle pieces across the room and started crying. In that moment, Sue felt like she had failed. She thought, How could I have made things worse?  But later, as she reflected on the situation, She realized that she hadn’t noticed the signs of physical discomfort. Mom’s agitation wasn’t about boredom; it was about being in pain. That moment taught Susan to listen more closely to her nonverbal cues and to pay attention to the root of her mom’s emotions instead of jumping straight to a solution.
It’s important to note that reflecting on failure isn’t about dwelling on what went wrong—it’s about extracting the lesson and letting it guide your future decisions. In fact, these lessons often lead us to create better systems and develop more confidence in our caregiving. The mistake Susan made with her mom that day actually strengthened her ability to anticipate her needs. It made her more attuned to her mom’s signals and taught Susan to slow down and observe before acting.
Sometimes, the lessons we learn from failure extend beyond caregiving itself. They teach us about patience, resilience, and humility. They remind us that it’s okay not to have all the answers and that seeking help or advice doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re wise.
If you’re currently grappling with a caregiving failure, I want to encourage you to treat yourself with kindness. You’re not perfect, and you’re not supposed to be. None of us are. Mistakes are proof that you’re trying, that you’re showing up, and that you care deeply. Use those mistakes as stepping stones. Each failure has the potential to propel you closer to becoming the caregiver you aspire to be.
Remember, caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be good days and bad days, moments of triumph and moments of defeat. The key is to stay committed to learning and growing, even when it feels hard. When you embrace your failures and extract their lessons, you become not just a caregiver but a stronger, more empathetic, and more resourceful person.
As we wrap up this episode, I want you to take a moment to reflect. Think about a time when you felt like you failed as a caregiver. What did you learn from that experience? How did it shape the way you approach your role today? Write it down if you can, and keep it as a reminder that your growth often comes from the places where you stumble.
Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you—please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. See you in the next episode of Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers.

Ep 13 Messing Up Doesn’t Mean Giving Up: A Caregiver’s Guide to Moving Forward

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. This week we are starting a new series called Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers. As family caregivers, most of us are doing things for which we were not trained, and it is very difficult. We face failure often and need to know what to do with it. Listen to every episode in this series as we dissect failure and learn how to move forward.Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.Let’s dive into today’s topic: The Weight of Mistakes.
Caregiving is one of the most important and selfless roles a person can take on, but it doesn’t come with a manual. From day one, we are in uncharted territory, making decisions that feel overwhelming because so much is at stake. And let’s face it—when things go wrong, the pain cuts deep. You might ask yourself, “What if I had done it differently? Could I have prevented this?” These are the thoughts that keep us awake at night, and they can weigh heavily on our hearts.Let me tell you something that I’ve learned the hard way: mistakes are inevitable. It’s not a matter of if you’ll mess up, but when. Whether it’s forgetting a medication dose, losing your patience in a stressful moment, or making a decision that didn’t work out, these moments happen to all of us. They don’t make you a bad caregiver; they make you human.The truth is, most of us step into caregiving with little to no training. We’re learning as we go, juggling emotions, responsibilities, and a steep learning curve. It’s hard enough without carrying the crushing weight of guilt for not being perfect. And yet, so many of us do exactly that. We hold ourselves to impossible standards and then beat ourselves up when we fall short. But here’s the good news: failure is not the end of the story.Let’s reframe this. Instead of seeing failure as a judgment on your worth as a caregiver, view it as an opportunity for growth. Each mistake holds a lesson, something to learn and improve upon. Yes, the weight of mistakes can feel heavy, but that weight can also make us stronger, if we let it.I remember a time when I gave my mom the missed a dosage of a medication. When I realized my error, I was horrified. The “what ifs” plagued me: What if this harms her? What if I can’t fix it? I felt like I had failed her completely. I couldn’t stop replaying the moment in my head, thinking of all the ways I could have prevented it. But what I learned from that experience was invaluable. I developed a system for managing her medications that prevented future mistakes. I started writing everything down in a log, double-checking the dosages before administering anything, and setting alarms to ensure I stayed on schedule. That failure, as painful as it was, became a turning point.If you’re feeling the weight of a mistake, take a moment to breathe. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can with the knowledge and tools you have at this moment. And if you need to cry, let yourself cry. Tears are not a sign of weakness; they are a release. Then, when you’re ready, ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can I do better next time?Mistakes often reveal blind spots or areas where we need more support. Maybe you’re trying to do too much on your own and need to delegate some tasks. Maybe you need to create better systems or seek guidance from a professional. Whatever the case, mistakes can become the catalyst for positive change if you let them.I also want to remind you that your loved one doesn’t expect you to be perfect. They don’t need perfection; they need presence. They need someone who shows up, day after day, even when things get hard. Your consistency and love matter so much more than any mistake you’ve made.Here is a great quote that you should commit to memory: “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” Every caregiver will encounter moments where they wish they could hit rewind, but what truly matters is how you respond. Will you let the mistake define you? Or will you let it refine you?If you’re listening to this and feeling the weight of guilt from a recent mistake, I want to challenge you to take one small step forward today. Maybe that means apologizing if your mistake hurt someone. Maybe it means setting up a system to prevent it from happening again. Or maybe it simply means forgiving yourself and choosing to keep going. Whatever it is, take that step, and know that it’s part of your journey as a caregiver.I’ll leave you with this thought: You are not alone. Every caregiver has had moments of failure. It’s part of the process. What sets you apart is your willingness to learn, grow, and keep showing up for your loved one. That’s what makes you an incredible caregiver.Thank you for tuning in to Caregiver Secrets. If you found this episode helpful, please continue to listen and share it with others who might need encouragement. Also, I want to hear from you, please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts or share your experiences. Until next time, take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. See you in the next episode of Failing Forward: Lessons for Caregivers.

Ep 12 Preparing for Goodbye: Courageously Facing the Caregiver’s Greatest Challenge

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.Well this is the final installment in our 5-part series called: The Invisible Journey: The Emotional Landscape of Caregiving . I trust you have been enlightened and strengthened as we have embarked on this journey together.Today’s topic is perhaps the hardest one for me to talk about: preparing for life beyond caregiving and facing the eventual death of our loved one. If I’m being completely honest, this has been the most difficult part of caregiving for me to grapple with. Thinking about my mom’s passing feels overwhelming, and at times, even unbearable. I’ve attempted to prepare myself for that eventuality, but it’s something I can only approach in small bites, spaced far apart. These thoughts don’t come easily, and I often have to step away and revisit them later. However, I also know that avoiding these conversations doesn’t protect me—it leaves me unprepared.One thing that has helped me is opening up about these feelings to trusted people in my life. I’ve had conversations with my pastor, who gently reminded me that preparing for the future is a way of honoring both my mom’s life and my role as her caregiver. My pastor helped me see that facing these thoughts doesn’t diminish my love or my faith—it strengthens them. Talking to a close friend has also been a tremendous relief. Sometimes, just saying the words aloud, “I don’t know how I’ll handle this,” can lift a weight from your shoulders. These conversations have reminded me that I’m not walking this road alone and that others can offer perspectives and support when I feel lost.
A practical exercise that has brought me some comfort is writing out possible scenarios for what my future might look like. I’m not trying to predict the future, but imagining a few different possibilities—whether it’s returning to hobbies, reconnecting with friends, or exploring new opportunities—has given me a sense of agency. It’s like creating a roadmap for a journey you don’t want to take but know is inevitable. Having a rough outline, even if it changes later, can ease some of the fear of the unknown.
It’s also important to give ourselves permission to feel relief and even joy when imagining life after caregiving. That might sound strange, but it’s not a betrayal of the love and care we’re giving now. Instead, it’s an acknowledgment that caregiving is an all-encompassing role, and when that role ends, it’s natural to feel lighter. Allowing yourself to envision a life of renewal and possibility doesn’t diminish the importance of your current caregiving—it simply means you’re human.
I also want to address a common and irrational fear that some of us may carry: the idea that preparing for the death of a loved one is somehow inviting it to happen sooner. Let me dispel that myth right now. Thinking about and planning for the future doesn’t influence the timing of your loved one’s passing. These preparations are acts of love, not of control. They allow us to honor our loved ones by ensuring we’re ready to navigate the emotional, logistical, and practical challenges that lie ahead. It’s a gift to both yourself and your loved one to be as prepared as possible when that time comes.
Another critical part of this process is allowing yourself to grieve in advance. It’s okay to feel sadness, fear, or even guilt as you imagine what life will look like after your caregiving role ends. These emotions don’t mean you’re giving up or that you love your loved one any less. They mean you’re human. Grieving the future loss while still being present in the moment is a delicate balance, but it’s one that many caregivers navigate daily.
Seeking support is vital, whether that’s through therapy, a support group, or trusted friends and family. I’ve found that connecting with others who have walked this path helps me feel less alone and more equipped to face what’s ahead. Sharing your fears and hearing how others have coped can provide insights and encouragement you might not find on your own.
Finally, remember that hope still has a place in this journey. Preparing for the future doesn’t mean you stop hoping for good days or meaningful moments. It means you’re embracing the fullness of this experience—the joys, the challenges, and the inevitabilities. Hope is what allows us to find those moments of connection and love, even as we prepare for the next chapter.
For me, this journey is ongoing. I’ve made progress, but I still have a long way to go. I take comfort in knowing that each small step—each conversation, each moment of reflection, each plan I write out—brings me closer to being ready for what lies ahead. And I hope that sharing my story encourages you to take those steps, too, at your own pace.
Thank you for joining me today on *Caregiver Secrets*. If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment, share your thoughts, or tell me about your own journey. Please continue to support the podcast by listening, sharing it with others, and spreading the word. Together, we can navigate this invisible journey with courage, hope, and compassion. Until next time, take care of yourself, and remember: you are not alone.
 
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Ep 11 Small Joys, Big Impact How to Reclaim Happiness as a Caregiver

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.Today, we’re exploring something that can feel almost out of reach for caregivers: the beauty of small moments of joy. I know, when your days are filled with tasks, schedules, and the constant care of a loved-one, it can seem like joy is just a nice idea—something for people with more free time, not for those of us in the trenches of caregiving. But here’s the truth: joy isn’t something we need to chase or add to a to-do list. It’s something we can find in the smallest, most unexpected moments if we’re open to it. Today, I want to encourage you to find these moments, to let them lighten your day, and to let them remind you of the love that brought you here.
In caregiving, joy is different. It’s not the typical happiness we might expect. It’s something that we have to dig a little deeper to uncover, but when we do, it can be life-changing. One of my favorite examples of this is a moment with my mom a few years back. We were standing up at the kitchen counter eating, and I said something funny and at the time she didn’t always get things, but she got that joke and we both laughed. I could see a spark of understanding in her eyes and for that short moment, we were just two people enjoying a laugh. There was no diagnosis, no stress—just that shared joy. It was one of those fleeting, beautiful moments that remind us why we do this and how love and memory can outshine the challenges we face.
These moments of joy don’t need to be big events or perfectly planned. They often come in small, quiet, unexpected packages. They might look like a shared laugh over something silly or just sitting quietly and holding hands, feeling that connection that words can’t express. For me, one of those moments came when my mom developed an unexpected fascination with magazines. She especially liked the magazines or circulars that displayed food items. Watching her be so fascinated with those items, I couldn’t help but laugh. That laughter, in a way, was a form of joy that didn’t change our situation but made it lighter, more bearable. Moments like those are the ones I hold onto because they’re proof that joy can exist even on the toughest days.
One way to invite more of these moments into your life is to be intentional about noticing them. Sometimes we’re so focused on the tasks at hand—getting through the day, managing the routines, ticking things off the checklist—that we miss the little things that make those tasks meaningful. I encourage you to take a minute, even in the middle of the busiest days, to pause and just observe. Look for a smile, listen to a laugh, or savor a quiet moment. These pauses are like little pockets of joy we can collect throughout the day. They don’t need to be dramatic; they’re simple reminders of life’s beauty, even in challenging times.
Gratitude is another powerful way to find joy in caregiving. I know it sounds like a big ask, especially when you’re exhausted and maybe feeling a little lost in it all, but gratitude doesn’t need to be grand. It can be a quiet practice of noticing small things that bring you comfort. For instance, at the end of each day, I try to think of and write down three things I’m thankful for. Some days, it’s something simple, like a warm meal or a kind word from a friend. Other days, it’s the joy of a small success, like when my mom remembers a story from her past or smiles when she sees me. These little reflections help me end the day with a feeling of connection rather than depletion, and they help shift my focus toward the moments of light within the challenges.
Humor, too, is essential. It’s funny how some of the most challenging moments can lead to the best laughs. I remember hearing this story about a caregiver and their mom. Here it is in the caregiver’s own words. One day my mom was convinced that a sock was her phone. She held it up and tried to talk into it, and instead of correcting her, I played along. We both ended up laughing, and in that moment, the tension of the day melted away. Laughter isn’t just a distraction; it’s a release. It allows us to let go of the pressure, even if just for a moment. It reminds us that caregiving, while incredibly hard, can still have moments of lightness and silliness that keep us going.
And then there’s the joy of finding a community. Knowing that you’re not alone in this journey can be incredibly uplifting. Reaching out to others—whether it’s through support groups, online communities, or a few close friends who understand—can be a source of comfort and joy. Sometimes, just sharing a story, a frustration, or a laugh with someone who gets it is enough to remind you that you’re not on an island. There’s a whole community out there, and that connection can fill you with a sense of belonging.
In the end, joy in caregiving is not about ignoring the hard parts. It’s about allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotions, the highs and lows. It’s about finding beauty in the little things, the small victories, and the quiet moments of connection. It’s about knowing that even on the hardest days, there’s something to smile about, something to be grateful for. Remember, you deserve these moments of joy. They’re not indulgent; they’re necessary. They’re what keep you grounded, remind you of the love that fuels your journey, and help you rediscover pieces of yourself that sometimes feel hidden.
As you go about your week, I challenge you to keep an eye out for these moments of joy. They’re there if you look for them, tucked into the small moments of your day. Notice them, savor them, and let them lift you, even if just for a moment. You might find that joy is closer than you think.
Thank you for joining me today on Caregiver Secrets. I hope this episode brought a bit of light to your day and maybe even inspired you to find your own moments of joy. If you found this helpful, please support the podcast by continuing to listen and sharing it with others who might benefit from it. I’d love to hear from you—leave a comment, share your own experiences, or let me know what resonates with you. Until next time, keep looking for the joy, because you deserve every bit of it.
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Ep 10 Alone Together_ Breaking the Isolation of Caregiving

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. Hi, my name is Reggie, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. As I often say, I have been serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. I am her sole caregiver and her only child. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. But before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any matter you are dealing with. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.
Today, we’re exploring a pervasive challenge most caregivers face: the isolation trap. If you’re a caregiver, you know what it feels like to live on an uninhabited island, with everything familiar seemingly out of reach. Friends stop calling, family gets busy, and even social media seems like a reminder of everything you’re missing out on. Caregiving can feel like being a world apart, where you’re tasked with a job no one else seems to fully understand.Isolation as a caregiver is complicated. It’s not just the physical distance from the outside world; it’s also emotional and mental. Even if friends and family want to help, they may not understand the nuances of your day-to-day life or how profoundly caregiving has shaped and is shaping your existence. It’s a lonely kind of irony to feel so devoted to someone and yet disconnected from nearly everyone else. The very act of keeping your loved one connected to life seems to simultaneously and insidiously disconnect you from the richness of life.In my experience, it’s easy to become invisible. I’ve had days where the only conversations I had were with my mom, and even those moments, as precious as they are, sometimes left me feeling unheard in a deeper sense. And as she progressed in the disease, these slowly diminished to gestures of understanding. I missed the casual banter of a coffee shop, the spontaneous phone calls, even just sitting in silence with a friend who knew me before all of this. It’s a strange kind of isolation when your life becomes so focused on another that you start to lose sight of yourself.But here’s the good news: there are ways to break out of this trap. The first is to redefine what connection means. It doesn’t always have to be grand or time-consuming. Even a five-minute text exchange with a friend can help you feel grounded in the world outside of caregiving. Don’t underestimate the power of quick, meaningful connections. It could be a simple message or a funny meme that reminds you that people still care.Another essential strategy is to find your caregiver tribe. There are online communities full of people who understand exactly what you’re going through. They might be scattered around the world, but they’re only a few clicks away. These groups can be a lifeline, a place to share stories, vent, or laugh about the small, often absurd moments only another caregiver would understand. Finding a few people who get it can be like rediscovering your own voice.Humor also plays a surprisingly powerful role in this. When everything feels heavy, laughter can be the release valve. What has helped me countless times is to find an episode from a sitcom I like, that I know makes me laugh, and just take a moment to watch it. Or if I don’t have time to watch the whole sitcom, I will watch the clip that I know makes me laugh. For me, laughing at an old clip grounds me and helps me connect with myself through laughter.Lastly, remember that it’s okay to ask for help, even if you feel like you should be able to handle everything on your own. Sometimes, a trusted friend or family member just needs to hear you say, “I need someone to talk to.” Opening up about your struggles might feel vulnerable, but you’d be surprised how many people will step up when they realize what you’re carrying. Another great point here is to relieve your friend of the necessity to come up with an answer. I have found that sometimes friends may avoid you because they just don’t know what to say. One way to alleviate this stress is to start your conversation with, I don’t expect you to have an answer or a response, I just need to share this with you as my friend. That takes the burden off of them and frees them up to just listen, which is just what you need.Breaking down the walls of isolation is a process, one small connection at a time. Whether it’s joining a support group, texting a friend, or sharing a laugh over a funny moment, each effort builds a bridge back to yourself and the world around you. Caregiving can feel like a solo journey, but it doesn’t have to be. Today, take a small step to reach out. You might find that others are ready and waiting to meet you halfway.Thank you for joining me today. In our next episode, we’ll uncover those hidden moments of joy that can appear even amid the challenges of caregiving. Until then, remember: you are not alone, and you don’t have to face this journey in silence. Stay strong, stay connected, and keep going. Oh, if this podcast is helping you, please continue to listen and please share it with others. It really helps us to continue sharing this information.
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Ep 9 The Guilt with No Pleasure_ Removing The Weight of Caregiver Guilt

Welcome to today’s episode of Caregiver Secrets, where we share practical advice, research, emotional support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones. This is part two of our 5-part series called, The Invisible Journey: The Emotional Landscape of Caregiving. As I explained yesterday, I call it the invisible journey, not because you don't experience it, but because many of us don't realize we are on this journey. We simply chose to take care of our loved one and this compassionate choice set us on an unforeseen, arduous journey fraught with untold challenges. The other reason I call it the invisible journey is because almost no one who is outside this journey acknowledges our journey, nor do they realize how difficult it is for us.Hi, my name is Reginald Reglus, and I am glad you are here today. I am a fellow caregiver. And as I say on almost every episode, I have been gladly serving my mom for about 10 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. As usual, let me remind you that I say that to impress upon you that I personally understand the challenges of caregiving. However, before we go any further, it is important to note that this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please seek out a proper professional for any challenge that you are facing. My goal is to inform you as best I can, but you and you alone are totally responsible for doing your own research and taking the appropriate action.Today, we’ll be exploring one of the most pervasive and insidious emotions caregivers experience: guilt. It’s a five-letter word that weighs more than a bag of gabbro rocks slung over your shoulder. I said gabbro rocks because they are among the heaviest rocks on earth, due to their density. Guilt is that voice whispering, You should have done more. You should be better. You’re not enough. It’s relentless, unforgiving and sits its dense body on you. It has the bad habit of showing up when you skip a visit, when you take a moment for yourself, or even when you do everything you possibly can but still feel it isn’t enough.For me, guilt would creep up at the oddest moments. It could be when I am working to help mom or those moments when I had a rare, quiet minute to myself. I’d sit down to work on my business, trying to bathe in the joy of making progress in my own life, only to feel an immediate pang of remorse. I’d ask myself, Shouldn’t I be doing something more for my mom or couldn’t I have completed that task better. This pattern became so ingrained that even my moments of rest felt haunted by the ghost of guilt.So, what can we do with this guilt? First, we need to recognize that it’s not a signal that we’re failing; it’s a sign that we care. The very presence of guilt speaks to the deep love and commitment we have for the ones we care for. But guilt, if left unchecked, can become like a blinding fog that clouds your ability to see your own worth and the profound goodness of the sacrifice you are making.The next step is learning to challenge the negative self-talk that fuels guilt. Replace the I should have done more with I did the best I could at that moment. I use this phrase all the time, even in the midst of taking care of mom. I say to myself, I am doing my very best right now. It helps me tremendously. Understand that perfection is an illusion, especially in caregiving. Your best is enough, even if it doesn’t look like someone else’s version of best.As I mentioned in yesterday’s episode, humor helps a lot. I heard this story about a caregiver who was caring for their mom with early stage dementia. One afternoon when, in a flurry of multi-tasking, they forgot to restock the fridge with their Mom’s favorite snack. Well mom pointed it out with an expression that could rival an Oscar-winning performance, and the caregiver felt that sting of guilt again. But instead of letting it fester, she joked, Looks like even superheroes forget the crackers sometimes. They both laughed, and for a moment, the guilt lost its grip.Don’t underestimate the power of sharing your feelings, either. Talking to fellow caregivers who understand the nuances of this invisible journey can be a lifeline. You’d be surprised at how many people carry the same feelings of inadequacy. Sharing can lighten that burden and remind you that you’re not alone in this experience.Lastly, practice self-compassion. Yes, it sounds cliché, but it’s essential. Self-compassion is that internal voice that whispers back, It’s okay. You’re doing your best. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend in the same situation. You wouldn’t berate them for forgetting a small detail or taking a break, would you? So why do that to yourself.Remember, guilt may never vanish entirely, and that’s okay. It’s part of caring so deeply. But what matters is recognizing it, understanding that it doesn’t define you, and finding ways to release its hold. Today, remind yourself: You are enough. And the fact that you’re even listening to this episode is proof of your commitment and love.Thank you for being with me today. Next time, we’ll delve into the loneliness of caregiving and how we can work to break down the isolation that often comes with this path. Until then, be gentle with yourself. You’re doing a remarkable job. Oh, if this podcast is helping you, please continue to listen and please share it with others. It really helps us to continue sharing this information.
 
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