Caregiver Secrets

S4 Ep 11 Love Outlasts Memory: A Caregiver’s Hardest Battle

Podcast Episode Summary: "When Love Outlasts Memory: A Caregiver’s Hardest Battle"
What do you do when the person you love most no longer recognizes you? When your spouse, parent, or loved one looks at you with fear instead of familiarity? This episode of Caregiver Secrets dives deep into one of the most painful realities of dementia caregiving—being forgotten. But what if love is bigger than memory?
In this heart-wrenching yet inspiring episode, you’ll hear Mark’s story—a devoted husband navigating the painful moment when his wife no longer knows his name. You’ll learn how to step into your loved one’s world instead of forcing them into yours, how to keep your heart strong even when your role changes, and why love isn’t just about memories—it’s about presence.
If you’ve ever felt the sting of being unseen by someone you care for, this episode is for you. Join me as we explore how to anchor your caregiving journey in patience, love, and the unshakable truth that your presence still matters.
🎧 Tune in now and remind yourself: Even if they forget, love never does.

S4 Ep 10The Hidden Struggle of Caregivers: Why Being ‘The Strong One’ is Breaking You

Are you the ‘strong one’ in your family—the one everyone relies on, but no one checks on? In this raw and eye-opening episode of Caregiver Secrets, we uncover the silent burden carried by caregivers who suppress their emotions to keep everything together. You’ll hear a powerful story that will resonate deeply, along with research-backed insights on why bottling up stress leads to burnout, resentment, and even health risks.
More importantly, we explore how to break the cycle. Discover practical ways to express your emotions, ask for help without guilt, and redefine strength in a way that sustains you—rather than drains you. If you’ve ever felt invisible in your caregiving journey, this episode will remind you: You don’t have to carry this alone.
💡 Join our Facebook caregiver community: bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook📖 Get your free copy of Get Risen: bit.ly/GetRisen
👉 Hit play now and learn how to set yourself free from the pressure of being ‘the strong one.’
 
 
 
 

S4 EP 9 When Caregiving Costs You Everything: How to Stop Losing Your Health, Money, and Future While Caring for a Loved One

Welcome back to the *Caregiver Secrets Podcast*—your go-to haven for all things caregiving! Whether you’re a seasoned caregiver or just stepping into this role, you’re in the right place. This is where we swap real-life stories, dish out practical tips, and sprinkle in a whole lot of encouragement to help you navigate the beautiful, messy, and deeply rewarding world of caring for loved ones. So grab your favorite drink, take a deep breath, and know this: you’re not alone. We’re in this together, celebrating the wins, tackling the challenges, and building a community rooted in compassion and support.
 
Before we dive in, a quick reminder: while we’re here to inspire and inform, this podcast isn’t a substitute for professional medical, financial, or health advice. Always consult the experts for your specific needs. My job is to cheer you on, share insights, and remind you that *you’ve got this*. The rest? That’s up to you. Now, let’s roll up our sleeves and get started—because caregiving is a journey best traveled together!Today I have the perfect story to help us explore this topic.
James had been caring for his wife, Margaret, for five years. Once a vibrant woman with a laugh that could light up a room, Margaret had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her early 60s. At first, it was just small things—forgetting where she put her keys, asking the same question twice—but over time, the disease took more and more from her. As the years passed, James found himself slipping into a routine of total devotion. He monitored her medications, helped her bathe, dressed her, and prepared every meal.
But there was something James didn’t talk about. He didn’t talk about the loneliness. He didn’t talk about the resentment that sometimes bubbled up late at night when exhaustion took hold. He didn’t talk about how, even though Margaret was still with him, he felt like he had lost his partner. And he definitely didn’t talk about how caregiving had completely drained his savings.
The financial weight of caregiving is a burden few people discuss, and yet it’s one of the biggest stressors family caregivers face. The costs of medical supplies, home modifications, medications, and professional respite care add up quickly. Many caregivers, like James, find themselves dipping into their retirement savings, cutting back on their own healthcare, and working less to be available for their loved ones. Over time, this financial strain creates a stress that quietly erodes their well-being.
According to a report by the National Alliance for Caregiving, family caregivers spend an average of $7,000 a year on out-of-pocket expenses. But the true cost isn’t just money—it’s missed opportunities, career sacrifices, and the emotional toll of never feeling financially secure. Many caregivers put their own futures at risk, often without realizing it, until it’s too late.
James never thought of himself as someone who would struggle with money. He had worked as a mechanic for 40 years, saved diligently, and always planned to travel with Margaret in their golden years. But as her needs grew, his ability to work full-time shrank. The house needed safety modifications—grab bars in the bathroom, a hospital bed in the living room. Home health aides were expensive, but he needed a break. Each expense chipped away at the nest egg they had spent decades building.
Then, one evening, as he sat at the kitchen table staring at a stack of unpaid medical bills, James realized something: if he didn’t make a change, he would lose everything. Not just his financial security, but his peace of mind. He had spent years taking care of Margaret, but he had neglected himself.
The first step to regaining control was acknowledging the problem. James reached out to a local caregiver support group and learned about financial assistance programs he hadn’t even considered. He discovered that he qualified for respite care grants, which allowed him to take breaks without breaking the bank. He connected with a financial advisor who helped him restructure his budget so he could stretch his savings further. Most importantly, he realized that asking for help wasn’t a weakness—it was survival.
If you’re a caregiver struggling financially, know that you are not alone. There are resources available to help you, but you have to take the first step in seeking them out. Here are a few key strategies to protect your financial well-being while still giving your loved one the best care possible:
Understand what financial assistance is available. Many caregivers don’t realize that Medicare, Medicaid, and local government programs offer help. Some states have cash assistance programs for caregivers, and there are nonprofit organizations that provide grants.
Set financial boundaries. It’s easy to keep spending on medical equipment, home care, and comfort items, but budgeting is critical. Prioritize essential expenses and explore cost-effective alternatives.
Look into long-term care insurance. If your loved one has a policy, now is the time to use it. If not, it’s worth considering for yourself to avoid future financial strain.
Explore part-time or remote work options. Many companies offer flexible work arrangements for caregivers. If you’ve had to cut back on hours, look for ways to earn income from home.
Have the hard conversations. Talk to family members about contributing financially. If siblings or relatives can’t offer hands-on help, perhaps they can support in other ways.
One of the most important things you can do is shift your mindset. In my book Get Risen, I write, "I Honor My Goals with Focus and Time. I Live as if My Life Is Divine." Your life, your dreams, and your financial stability matter just as much as the person you’re caring for. You were never meant to sacrifice everything—your well-being, your savings, your future—to be a good caregiver. A good caregiver is also a good steward of their own life.
James learned this the hard way, but he made the necessary changes before it was too late. He stopped trying to do everything alone. He reached out for financial guidance. He set limits. And in doing so, he found that he could still care for Margaret without completely losing himself in the process.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the financial weight of caregiving, take one small step today. Look up financial assistance programs. Have an honest conversation with a loved one. Speak to a professional who can help. You don’t have to do this alone.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you faced financial struggles as a caregiver? What has helped you navigate this challenge? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Take care, and remember: you are not alone. Keep going, and keep rising. And remember, You’ve got this!

S4 Ep 8 The Guilt Trap: Why Every Caregiver Feels It—And How to Finally Break Free!

Welcome to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast, where we offer practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for caregivers. Your journey isn't solitary; together, we navigate caregiving's joys and challenges with compassion.
Note: This podcast is not medical, financial, or health advice. Consult professionals for specific concerns. I aim to inform and support, but your actions are your responsibility. Let's begin.
David had always been a problem-solver. As a software engineer, he spent his days writing complex code and fixing issues before they escalated. But nothing in his career had prepared him for the emotional weight of caregiving. His wife, Ellen, had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, and with every passing day, he felt himself slipping into a cycle of guilt and self-doubt.
No matter how much he did, it never felt like enough. If he took time for himself, he felt selfish. If he focused solely on Ellen, he felt like he was losing himself. He questioned whether he was doing things the "right way." Should he have caught the symptoms earlier? Should he be more patient when she repeated herself for the tenth time in five minutes? Was he failing her every time he felt exhausted?
One night, after a particularly challenging evening where Ellen had refused to eat and had become agitated, David sat in the kitchen, head in his hands. The guilt weighed him down like a stone.
Then, he remembered something his support group leader had said: "Guilt is not proof of wrongdoing. It’s proof that you care."
The words hit him like a revelation. He had been measuring himself against an impossible standard—one where perfection was the only acceptable outcome. But caregiving isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about showing up, doing your best, and giving yourself grace when things don’t go as planned.
The next day, David made a shift. Instead of beating himself up over what he could have done differently, he started focusing on what he was doing right. He reminded himself that being present for Ellen, loving her, and adapting as best he could was enough.
Caregiver guilt is one of the most common emotions we face. It can make us feel like we’re never doing enough, that we should be handling things differently, or that our loved one’s struggles are somehow our fault. But guilt often lies.
Here’s why:
First, guilt can stem from unrealistic expectations. Many of us believe we should be able to do it all—care for our loved one, maintain our household, work, stay emotionally strong, and never need a break. But that’s an impossible standard. You are human, and no human can do everything alone.
Second, guilt can come from the past. Maybe there were things you wish you had done differently. Maybe you weren’t as patient as you wanted to be yesterday, or you missed a doctor’s appointment because you were too exhausted to keep track of everything. But dwelling on the past doesn’t change it. What matters is what you do today.
Third, guilt sometimes disguises itself as love. We feel guilty because we love our family members so much. We want to take away their suffering. We want to make things easier for them. But some things are out of our control. No amount of guilt will change the fact that dementia is a progressive disease. No amount of guilt will undo years of medical conditions. And carrying guilt doesn’t help our loved ones—it only drains us of the energy we need to care for them.
So how do we move forward?
Reframe guilt into grace. Instead of asking, "Am I doing enough?" try asking, "Am I doing my best today?" If the answer is yes, then that is enough.
Let go of perfection. Caregiving is messy, unpredictable, and often exhausting. No one does it perfectly. What matters is that you show up, not that you get everything right.
Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend. Would you ever tell a fellow caregiver, "You’re a failure" or "You’re not doing enough?" Of course not! So why say it to yourself?
Give yourself permission to rest. Guilt often makes us feel like we can’t take a break, but rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Remind yourself of the bigger picture. Your loved one may not always remember what you did for them, but they will always feel the love behind it. Even if they can’t express it, they know, deep down, that they are being cared for.
And when guilt creeps back in, as it inevitably will, remind yourself of this mantra from Get Risen: "I am giving my best, and my best is enough." Say it aloud. Write it down. Carry it with you. Because it’s true.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you struggled with caregiver guilt? How have you learned to manage it? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more peace to our journey. Until next time, take care. And please remember, you’ve got this!
 

S4 Ep 7 When Your Family Won’t Help: The Harsh Truth About Caregiving Alone

Many caregivers find themselves bearing the full weight of caregiving while their family members remain distant, disengaged, or outright dismissive. The emotional toll of feeling abandoned by those who should be standing beside you is immense. Studies show that caregivers who feel unsupported by family members experience significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and burnout.
So what do you do when you’re the only one who cares?
 

S4 Ep 6 The Weight of Being Strong_ When Caregiving Breaks You (And How to Heal)

Welcome to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast. This program is dedicated to providing practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for caregivers. I am a caregiver and I have been for over 10 years. I have been doing it alone for most of my journey and have been through many ups and downs. I don’t always mention it on the podcast, but today I just wanted to make sure that you know that I get it. I understand because I have been through a lot of it.  Anyway, we appreciate your listenership today. Please be assured that you are not alone on this journey; together, we will navigate the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
I hope this story resonates with you.
Jason had always been known as the strong one. The rock. The dependable, steady hand that held everything together when his world felt like it was falling apart. When his wife, Sarah, was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, he didn’t hesitate—he stepped into the role of full-time caregiver without a second thought. He promised her, and himself, that he would be strong enough for both of them.
At first, he managed everything with precision—doctor’s appointments, medications, routines designed to keep her comfortable and engaged. He brushed off the concern of friends and family who told him he needed to take care of himself, too. He didn’t have time for that. He had to be strong.
But strength, the way he had always understood it, was slowly breaking him. The sleepless nights, the moments when Sarah didn’t recognize him, the times she lashed out in confusion—it all built up inside him, unspoken, unacknowledged. He refused to let himself cry, refused to share the weight of his emotions with anyone. He was supposed to be the strong one.
Until one evening, everything caught up to him. Sarah had been particularly agitated that day, resisting care, pacing the house, searching for something that didn’t exist. He had tried to redirect her, soothe her, but nothing worked. And then, out of nowhere, she looked at him with a sharpness he hadn’t seen in years and snapped, “You don’t belong here. Where’s my husband?”
Something inside him cracked. He stepped into the bathroom, shut the door, and sank to the floor. For the first time since her diagnosis, Jason let himself sob. Not quiet, controlled tears—but deep, unrestrained sobs that he had kept locked away for so long. And for the first time in a long time, he didn’t try to hold himself together.
That night, something changed. He realized that being strong didn’t mean carrying everything alone. It didn’t mean suppressing his emotions or pretending he wasn’t breaking inside. Strength, real strength, meant allowing himself to feel. To grieve. To acknowledge that this was hard and that he didn’t have to endure it in silence.
Jason reached out to a caregiver support group online. He started journaling—just small entries, at first, about his day and his feelings. He let himself cry when he needed to, without shame. And he learned that releasing his emotions didn’t make him weaker; it made him a better caregiver.
So many of us, as caregivers, take on the role of the strong one. We push our emotions down, telling ourselves that we don’t have time to feel, that we need to be the anchor for everyone else. But emotional suppression comes at a cost. Studies show that caregivers who bottle up their emotions experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems like high blood pressure and weakened immune systems.
Being the strong one doesn’t mean you have to carry the burden alone. Strength is found in acknowledging your emotions, in seeking support, in finding ways to release the weight you carry.
So how do we do that?
First, start by giving yourself permission to feel. It sounds simple, but so many caregivers deny themselves this basic right. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, let yourself sit with that emotion instead of pushing it down.
Second, find an outlet that works for you. Whether it’s journaling, talking to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or seeking therapy—there is no shame in needing a place to release what’s inside you.
Third, understand the difference between resilience and emotional suppression. Resilience is the ability to process emotions and move forward, while suppression is bottling everything up until it explodes. The more we suppress, the more we risk burnout, resentment, and even depression.
If you’ve been struggling with being the strong one, I want you to remember this: you don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to hold everything inside. There is power in vulnerability, in allowing yourself to be human. And when you do, you may find that not only does it make you a better caregiver, but it also makes you a healthier, more whole version of yourself.
If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever struggled with feeling like you have to be the strong one? Share your story in the comments or email me.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more peace to our journey. Until next time remember you’ve got this!
 

S4 Ep 5 The Secret Language of Love: How to Connect When Words No Longer Work

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! As many of you know, this is the show where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those who give their all to care for loved ones. Thank you for listening today. I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
I hope this story resonates with you.
Michael sat on the edge of his wife’s bed, watching her breathe softly as she slept. The woman he had spent the last thirty-two years of his life with was still there, but the way they connected had changed. After her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, it was easy to fall into a routine of just getting through the day—bathing, dressing, managing medications, and trying to keep her comfortable. But something in Michael felt hollow. He missed the deep conversations, the shared laughter, the feeling of being seen and known. He wondered if caregiving was meant to feel this lonely.
One afternoon, he found an old playlist of their favorite songs from their early years together. The first few notes of "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole played, and something shifted. His wife’s eyes lit up, and a small, knowing smile played on her lips. She hummed along. That small moment changed everything for Michael. He realized that even in the hardest days, there were ways to reconnect—not through logic, not through words, but through shared experiences, emotions, and presence.
Michael started introducing little moments of joy into their days. He would sit beside her with a photo album, holding her hand while she traced the faces in old pictures. He began reading to her in the evenings, just as she used to do for him when he was sick. And every morning, as he helped her get ready, he made sure to kiss her forehead and whisper, "Good morning, beautiful." Some days, she didn’t respond. Other days, she did. But either way, Michael knew—connection wasn’t gone, it had just changed.
Caregiving can easily become a series of tasks—feeding, cleaning, dressing, managing schedules. But at its heart, caregiving is about connection. And even in the hardest seasons, those small moments of presence, touch, and love are what create meaning.
Science backs this up. Studies from the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease show that even brief positive interactions improve mood and can slow cognitive decline. Reminiscence Therapy, researched by Dr. Robert Butler, shows that talking about the past—even if factual memory is impaired—enhances emotional well-being. Dr. Paul Zak’s studies on oxytocin reveal that physical touch and shared laughter increase bonding, reducing stress for both caregivers and their loved ones.
So how can you build connection in your caregiving journey?
First, be present. It’s easy to get caught up in the "doing" of caregiving, but sometimes, simply sitting beside your loved one, holding their hand, or looking into their eyes makes all the difference.
Second, create rituals. Maybe it’s listening to a favorite song together, reading to them before bed, or sharing a cup of tea in the afternoon. These little moments become anchors of connection.
Third, use sensory memories. If words are failing, try touch, scent, or music. Holding a familiar object, smelling a favorite perfume, or hearing a song from their past can bring comfort and spark recognition.
Finally, let go of who they were and embrace who they are now. This is one of the hardest parts of caregiving. But love isn’t about holding onto the past—it’s about meeting them where they are, with grace and acceptance.
Here’s a mantra from Get Risen that I think is perfect for this moment: "I Am Grateful to Be Alive, and Safely to My Divine Destiny, I Will Surely Arrive." Let gratitude be your guide. Find meaning in the moments, even when they don’t look like what you expected.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you found ways to connect with your loved one in unexpected ways? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more peace to our journey. Until next time, take care and remember, you’ve got this!

S4 Ep 4 The Secret Power of Music: How One Song Can Calm, Heal, and Connect

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets podcast! As many of you know, this is the show where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those who give their all to care for loved ones. Thank you for listening today. I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
What if I told you that a simple song could calm an agitated loved one, reduce your stress, and even bring back lost memories? Today, we’re talking about the surprising science of music therapy in caregiving.
I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.
Robert never imagined that something as simple as a song could change everything. His mother, Evelyn, had always loved jazz. The rich melodies of Duke Ellington and the gentle rhythms of Ella Fitzgerald had once filled their home, a constant backdrop to family gatherings and Sunday afternoons. But after her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, the music had stopped. Evelyn no longer hummed along while washing dishes, no longer swayed to the beat while folding laundry. Instead, the afternoons had become filled with confusion, agitation, and moments of heartbreaking silence.
Then one evening, as the sun cast long shadows across the living room, Evelyn became increasingly restless. She paced the floor, wringing her hands, frustration etched into every movement. “I need to go home,” she kept repeating, even though she was already home. Robert tried reasoning with her, but logic only made her more upset.
Then he remembered something he had read about music and memory. Taking a deep breath, he pulled out his phone and found an old recording of “Take the A Train.” The moment the first few notes floated through the air, Evelyn stopped. Her body relaxed, her eyes widened with recognition.
“Oh,” she whispered, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I love this song.”
Robert watched in amazement as she began swaying to the music, her feet lightly tapping in rhythm. As the song played on, her agitation melted away. She sat down, closed her eyes, and for the first time in weeks, she looked at peace.
That night, Robert realized the power of music. It wasn’t just sound—it was connection, memory, and comfort all wrapped into one.
Music therapy is more than just playing a favorite song. Research shows that music activates the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory. Studies have found that familiar music can trigger deep-seated memories even in individuals with late-stage dementia. In fact, the Alzheimer’s Association reports that music can help reduce agitation, improve mood, and even encourage social interaction in those with cognitive decline.
But it’s not just for those with dementia. Research from Johns Hopkins University found that listening to calming music can reduce cortisol levels—our primary stress hormone—by up to 31%. That means music doesn’t just help our loved ones—it helps us, too.
So how can you use music in caregiving? Here are a few practical strategies:
First, create a “Nostalgia Playlist.” Gather songs that your loved one enjoyed in their younger years. Studies show that music from our late teens and early twenties is most likely to spark memories. If you’re not sure which songs to choose, try playing popular hits from their era and watch for reactions.
Next, try Tactile Music Therapy. Some people, especially those who are nonverbal, respond well to rhythm. Give your loved one a small drum, maracas, or even just let them tap their fingers along with the beat. Engaging in the physical aspect of music can be soothing and grounding.
And don’t forget about music for stress relief. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take three minutes to sit with your favorite calming song. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and let the music do the work.
Before we go, I want to leave you with a mantra from my book, Get Risen: I am living in the divine flow, and good things are continuing to show. Music has the power to remind us of the good, to lift our spirits, and to bring comfort even in the hardest moments.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever used music to shift a tough moment? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Until next time, take care and remember, you’ve got this.
 

S4 Ep 3 Breaking Free from Caregiver Guilt: Why You Deserve Rest Without Regret

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! This show offers practical advice, stories, and support for caregivers. Thank you for listening. Remember, you're not alone; we're here to share the caregiving journey together.
Please note that the information provided here is not intended as medical, financial, or health advice. For specific concerns, I recommend consulting with qualified professionals. My purpose is to provide information and support to the best of my ability, but the decisions you make are entirely your responsibility. With that in mind, let us proceed.
Ever feel like you should be doing more, even when you’re already stretched thin? Today, we’re tackling one of the biggest hidden struggles—caregiver guilt. And we’re getting rid of it, for good.
I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.
Sharon had always been a rock for her family. When her husband, Daniel, was diagnosed with ALS, she didn’t hesitate to take on the role of his primary caregiver. She did everything—bathing him, feeding him, managing his medications, advocating for him at doctor’s appointments. But no matter how much she did, it never felt like enough.
Guilt haunted her. She felt guilty when she left him alone for a few hours to run errands. She felt guilty when she was exhausted and secretly longed for just one day off. She even felt guilty when she found herself laughing at a friend’s joke—because how could she laugh when Daniel was suffering? The more she tried to push these feelings away, the stronger they grew. She told herself, If I truly loved him, I wouldn’t feel this way.
One night, after an especially tough day where Daniel had been in pain and nothing she did seemed to help, she broke down. Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, “I should be doing more.”
That was the night she realized something had to change.
Caregiver guilt is real, and it’s powerful. But it’s also misleading. Guilt tricks you into thinking that no matter what you do, it’s never enough. It makes you believe that rest is selfish, that joy is wrong, and that your worth is measured only by how much you sacrifice. But let’s talk about what the research actually says.
Studies from Harvard Medical School show that caregiver guilt often stems from something called the Guilt Loop. Our brains are wired to focus on what we didn’t do rather than what we did. It’s a mental trap that leads to decision fatigue, resentment, and burnout.
But not all guilt is bad. There’s a difference between good guilt and toxic guilt.
Good guilt is when you recognize a real mistake and make changes. Maybe you snapped at your loved one out of frustration—acknowledging it and making amends is a healthy response.
Toxic guilt, however, is when you feel guilty simply for being human—for needing rest, for feeling joy, for not being perfect. And that kind of guilt? It needs to go.
So how do we break free? Here are three science-backed strategies that can help.
First, use the Would I Say This to a Friend? technique. If a close friend told you they were exhausted and needed a break, would you shame them? Or would you tell them they’re doing their best and deserve rest? If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.
Second, apply the 80/20 Caregiving Rule. Studies show that perfection isn’t just unrealistic—it’s actually harmful. When caregivers chase perfection, they experience higher rates of stress-related illness and burnout. But here’s the truth: 80% of caregiving is about consistency, love, and showing up. The other 20%? It’s about grace. Allowing yourself to be imperfect and human.
Finally, Reframe Rest as a Responsibility. This is a big one. Rest is not a luxury—it’s part of the job. If you drive a car without stopping to refuel, it breaks down. If you care for someone without refueling yourself, you break down. And research shows that when caregivers take even small, regular breaks, their ability to provide quality care improves significantly.
Sharon learned this firsthand. She started journaling her guilt thoughts and asking herself, Would I say this to a friend? She started letting go of the impossible standards she had set for herself. And most importantly, she stopped treating rest as something she had to “earn.” She began taking small breaks—walking outside for ten minutes, listening to music, calling a friend. At first, the guilt tried to creep back in. But she reminded herself: Daniel needs a caregiver who is strong, not one who is falling apart. And over time, she found more peace in her role.
Here’s something I want you to remember today: You are enough. Caregiving is not about doing it all—it’s about showing up with love. And that means loving yourself, too.
I’d love to hear from you. What’s one guilt thought you’re letting go of today? Share it in our Facebook group at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook. And if you’re looking for more encouragement, grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen, at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more peace to our journey. Until next time, take care.
 

S4 Ep 2 From Burnout to Balance – The Art and Science of Sustainable Caregiving

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! As many of you know, this is the show where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those who give their all to care for loved ones. Thank you for listening today. Do you feel alone and unseen as a caregiver? Please know that this is a common feeling among caregivers. My hope is that through this podcast you will feel less alone and know that I see you. Listen together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
You give and give… but what happens when you have nothing left? Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s a real, measurable condition with lasting consequences. But the good news? You can recover and build a sustainable caregiving routine. Let’s talk about how.
Here is a heart-felt story that highlights what we are discussing today.
Carlos never thought of himself as someone who could break. He had always been the strong one, the reliable one. His father, once a proud and independent man, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s five years ago, and Carlos took on the role of caregiver without hesitation. He thought he could handle it all—bathing his father, managing his medications, ensuring he ate enough, and keeping up with his own job and responsibilities.
But the stress piled up. The sleepless nights. The never-ending worry. The isolation. He told himself that as long as he kept pushing through, everything would be fine. Then, one afternoon, standing in line at the grocery store, it happened. His vision blurred, his chest tightened, and before he knew it, he was on the floor, unconscious.
When he came to in the hospital, the doctor delivered a wake-up call that shook him to his core: “Carlos, caregivers are at a 63% higher risk of dying from stress-related illnesses. Your body is shutting down. If you don’t make changes, you won’t be around to care for your father.”
That night, lying in bed, Carlos realized that ‘pushing through’ wasn’t strength—it was self-destruction. He needed a new plan. A sustainable one.
My caregiver friends, the science behind caregiver burnout is clear.
Research from the American Psychological Association confirms what many caregivers already feel in their bones: chronic caregiving without proper breaks leads to cognitive decline, immune suppression, and even heart disease. Burnout isn’t just mental exhaustion—it’s a full-body crisis.
Many caregivers believe that pushing through exhaustion is a badge of honor. But studies show that chronic stress shrinks the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory and
emotional regulation. The more you push without rest, the harder it becomes to function—not just as a caregiver, but as a person.
Let’s talk about strategies and self-assessments that can help us. One of the most powerful tools for sustainable caregiving is an Energy Audit—a simple practice that helps caregivers identify where their energy is leaking and where they can make small, meaningful adjustments.
Try this:
For one day, write down everything you do and how it makes you feel.
Highlight tasks that drain you in red.
Highlight tasks that restore you in green.
Ask yourself: What red tasks can I reduce, delegate, or modify?
Ask yourself: What green tasks can I increase or enhance?
Here is another one called: The 3-2-1 Rule for Sustainable Caregiving
Small, consistent breaks can make a world of difference. That’s why experts recommend the 3-2-1 Rule:
3 small breaks daily – Step outside, stretch, or listen to your favorite song.
2 hours per week – Engage in self-care, whether it’s a hobby, social time, or simply resting.
1 full day off per month – If possible, arrange respite care or swap duties with a trusted friend or family member.
By following this structure, caregivers can prevent burnout before it takes over.
My friends are You at Risk?
If you’re wondering whether burnout is creeping up on you, take a quick self-check:
Do you frequently feel exhausted, even after sleeping?
Have you lost interest in activities that used to bring you joy?
Are you easily irritated, anxious, or overwhelmed?
Do you have frequent headaches, body aches, or digestive issues?
Have you neglected your own health appointments or self-care?
If you answered ‘yes’ to three or more of these, it’s time to implement a Caregiver Respite Plan.
Here’s how you can start reclaiming balance today:
Build a support system.
Find a trusted person you can call when you need a break.
Join a caregiver support group—even virtual ones can provide relief.
Set firm boundaries.
It’s okay to say no. Not every request needs to be met with immediate action.
Set ‘office hours’ for caregiving tasks, so your entire day isn’t consumed by them.
Incorporate micro-self-care.
Even five minutes of deep breathing or journaling can reset your nervous system.
If this episode spoke to you, take one action today to prioritize yourself. Even a small step—like drinking more water, scheduling a 15-minute break, or asking for help—can set you on the path to a sustainable caregiving routine.
And remember, our Facebook community is here to support you. Join us at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook for more resources, encouragement, and connection.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s walk this journey together. Until next time, take care and remember, you’ve got this!