Caregiver Secrets

S4 Ep1 Losing Yourself in Caregiving_ How to Reclaim Your Identity and Thrive!

Welcome to Season 4 of the Caregiver Secrets Podcast!
I cannot tell you how excited I am to kick off this new season with you! If you're a returning listener, welcome back. And if you're new here, let me just say—you've found your people. This is the show where we get real about the challenges of caregiving, share powerful strategies, and, most importantly, remind each other that we are more than the struggles we face.
This season, we’re diving deeper than ever before. We’ve spent the past few seasons talking about essential caregiving skills, emotional resilience, and survival strategies—but this season? We’re moving beyond survival into thriving.
Here’s what’s coming up in Season 4:
Who Are You Beyond Caregiving? We’ll tackle the caregiver identity crisis and how to rediscover yourself beyond your role.
From Burnout to Balance—Neuroscience-backed strategies to help you avoid exhaustion without guilt.
Breaking the Cycle of Caregiver Fatigue—How to set boundaries and actually stick to them.
Music Therapy Magic—How music can help reduce stress, manage dementia symptoms, and create meaningful connection.
Preserving Legacies—Creative ways to capture your loved one’s stories before they’re lost.
But we’re not stopping there. We’re also diving into the unspoken struggles of caregiving:
Being the ‘Strong One’—How to stop bottling up your emotions and start finding healthy outlets.
Family Drama—What to do when you’re the only one who cares.
Medical Emergencies 101—How to stay calm and in control when the unexpected happens.
Resentment and Regret—Yes, we’re going there.
The Caregiver’s Financial Wake-Up Call—How to protect yourself financially while caregiving.
And for those of you who are facing advanced challenges, we’ve got you covered too:
Late-Stage Dementia Care—What no one tells you about the toughest stage.
The Sleep Struggle is Real—Managing sundowning and nighttime agitation without medication.
Having the ‘Impossible’ Conversations—How to talk about hospice, DNRs, and end-of-life choices.
Pain Recognition—How to know when your loved one is suffering, even if they can’t tell you.
Relationships While Caregiving—Can you have love and romance while being a caregiver? Let’s talk about it.
And for those thinking about life after caregiving:
How to Plan for Your Own Future While Caregiving
How to Prepare the Next Generation of Caregivers
Rediscovering Purpose When Your Role Ends
This season is all about real talk, real solutions, and real support. We’re getting into the hard stuff, but we’re also going to make sure you leave every episode with something practical you can apply to your caregiving journey.
So, buckle up, my friend, because this season is going to be a game-changer. And if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe and Follow this podcast so you don’t miss a single episode.
Before we begin, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s dive in.
Now, let’s get into today’s episode.
I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.
Michael had been married to Sarah for 38 years when her early signs of dementia began to appear. At first, it was little things—misplaced keys, forgotten appointments. But as the disease progressed, their roles shifted. The woman who had always been his equal partner, his best friend, began to rely on him for everything.
Michael wasn’t just her husband anymore—he was her caregiver. And in that transition, something unexpected happened. He started to lose himself.
He had always been the man who loved to go fishing on Saturdays, who could spend hours working on his car in the garage, who had a laugh so deep and warm that it made people smile just hearing it. But now? He couldn’t remember the last time he had picked up a fishing rod. His tools sat untouched. And when was the last time he had laughed—not the polite chuckle he gave to reassure others, but the kind of laughter that made his whole body shake?
Sarah needed him. Every waking moment was filled with managing her medication, watching for signs of distress, handling the mounting medical paperwork, and trying to soothe her when the world around her no longer made sense. And in doing so, Michael started to fade.
One night, he sat by the kitchen table, head in his hands, exhausted beyond words. He felt empty, like a shell of the man he used to be. “Who am I anymore?” he whispered into the quiet.
That question—Who am I anymore?—is one that so many caregivers face. It’s the silent struggle that few talk about. The slow erosion of self-identity when the role of caregiver takes over everything else.
Research shows that this isn’t just a feeling—it’s a recognized phenomenon. A study published in The Gerontologist found that nearly 40% of family caregivers experience a crisis of identity. They struggle with feeling like they have lost the person they once were. And it makes sense—when every ounce of energy goes into caring for someone else, there’s little left for yourself.
So how do we, as caregivers, reclaim our identities? How do we find ourselves again when the role of caregiving consumes so much?
One of the most powerful steps is recognizing that caregiving is part of who you are, but it is not all of who you are. This shift in perspective can be transformative.
Dr. Pauline Boss, a researcher in caregiver grief, introduced the concept of ambiguous loss—a type of loss that occurs when someone is physically present but psychologically absent. Caregivers often experience this with their loved ones, but they also experience it with themselves. They mourn the person they used to be, even as they continue to function in their new role.
Here’s the good news: You can reclaim yourself, even while caregiving. And you don’t have to wait until your caregiving journey ends to do it.
Reconnect with Past Interests in Small Ways
Create an Identity Statement
Set a Simple Goal for Yourself
Seek Out ‘Identity Anchors’
Michael learned this lesson in an unexpected way. One day, as he was helping Sarah get settled, she suddenly turned to him and said, “Do you remember the first time you took me fishing? I was awful at it.” And she laughed.
Something inside Michael stirred. Fishing. He hadn’t even thought about it in years. That night, after Sarah had fallen asleep, he went out to the garage. He ran his hands over his old fishing rod. And something shifted. He wasn’t just a caregiver. He was still Michael—the man who loved the water, who loved the quiet of early mornings, who had a life beyond dementia.
It didn’t change everything overnight. But it was a start.
So today, I want to leave you with this mantra:"I am more than my role and I have a deep, strong, beautiful unshakeable soul.
Say it out loud. Write it down. Let it settle into your spirit. Because you are more than a caregiver. You are still you.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever struggled with losing yourself in caregiving? Share your thoughts in the Caregiver Secrets Facebook group at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook.
And if today’s episode spoke to you, grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen, at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding ways to thrive—not just survive. Until next time, take care and remember, You’ve got this!
 

S3 Ep 20 When Caregiving Ends: Finding Yourself Again

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast—your go-to place for real talk, heartfelt stories, and actionable advice for those who pour their love and energy into caring for others. Whether you’re a seasoned caregiver or just stepping into this role, thank you for being here today. This journey you’re on? It’s not one you have to walk alone. Together, we’ll navigate the highs, the lows, and everything in between, with compassion and a whole lot of support.
Now, before we dive in, a quick reminder: this podcast is here to inform and uplift, but it’s not a substitute for professional medical, financial, or legal advice. Always reach out to the experts when you need specific guidance. My job is to empower you with knowledge and encouragement, but the choices you make are yours—and I trust you to do what’s best for you and your loved ones. Alright, let’s roll up our sleeves and get started!
I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.
When David married Maria, he vowed to be by her side in sickness and in health. He never imagined those words would come to define their life together in such a profound way. Maria had always been the strong one—fiercely independent, quick-witted, full of life. But when dementia crept into their lives, it began stealing pieces of her away, little by little. At first, it was small things: forgetting where she put her keys, losing track of conversations. But then it escalated—wandering at night, confusion that turned into fear, moments when she no longer recognized the man she had loved for over forty years.
David had spent decades solving problems, fixing things, being the dependable one. But caregiving was different. It was relentless, unpredictable, exhausting. And as Maria’s world grew smaller, his own life seemed to shrink along with it. Friends stopped visiting. Their once-bustling home became eerily quiet. The loneliness set in, gnawing at him in the long hours of the night. And the question haunted him: Who was he if he wasn’t Maria’s husband in the way he used to be?
One evening, Maria sat by the window, staring at the fading light. “David,” she said suddenly, “I need to go home. My mother will be worried.”
David’s heart ached. Her mother had passed decades ago. He could have corrected her. He could have told her she was home. But he had learned that the truth, as he understood it, no longer served her. Instead, he sat beside her, took her hand, and said, “Tell me about home. What do you remember?”
Her face softened, and she smiled. “Oh, it’s warm, and Mama always has something cooking. The house smells like fresh bread. I can hear the radio playing. I feel safe there.”
David squeezed her hand. “That sounds beautiful, Maria. Why don’t we sit here for a while and enjoy the evening before we go?”
She nodded, her agitation melting away.
In that moment, David realized something. He was still Maria’s husband, just in a different way. He couldn’t hold on to the life they once had, but he could embrace the one they were living now. And as hard as that was, it was okay.
Caregiving isn’t forever. And that’s okay. It can feel like it will never end, like it has consumed every piece of who you are. But one day, this chapter will close, and you will still be here. And when that day comes, you will need to rediscover yourself—not just as a caregiver, but as a person with dreams, desires, and a future that still belongs to you.
It’s easy to lose yourself in the role of caregiving, to believe that your purpose is solely tied to the person you are caring for. But you were someone before this, and you will be someone after. You are allowed to imagine life beyond caregiving. It doesn’t mean you love them any less. It means you are honoring the life that still belongs to you.
One of the mantras from my book Get Risen is this: I am living each day with joy and purpose, so I easily take hold of the hidden surplus. Even in the middle of caregiving, you can choose to live with purpose. And when this season ends, you will still have so much life ahead of you.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever thought about life after caregiving? What do you dream about for your future? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more peace to our journey. Until next time, take care. And remember, You’ve got this!
 

S3 Ep 19 - The Last Goodbye: A Caregiver’s Final Gift of Love

Hey my fellow Caregivers and welcome back to the podcast that is all about you and your loved one. This is the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! My goal and heart’s desire is to make this the place where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those you who care for your loved-ones that can no longer care for themselves. Listen, I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
My fellow caregivers, this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get into this.
I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.
Brian sat in a dimly lit hospital room, holding his wife’s frail hand as the rhythmic beeping of the monitors filled the silence. Laura, the woman he had loved for over forty years, lay peacefully, her breathing shallow but steady. He knew this moment was coming—he had known for a long time—but knowing didn’t make it any easier.
Laura had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s a decade ago, and Brian had dedicated himself to her care. At first, it was just small things, forgetting names, misplacing objects. Then, over the years, the disease stole more and more from her. She forgot their children’s names, the stories they had shared, the life they had built together. But even amid her decline, Brian clung to the love that had once burned so bright between them.
The past few weeks had been the hardest. Hospice had prepared him for the end, but the weight of it pressed down on his chest like a boulder. He wasn’t just losing his wife, he was losing his best friend, his partner, the one person who had always known exactly what to say, what to do, how to comfort him.
As he sat by her bedside, memories flooded his mind—their wedding day, the birth of their daughter, the nights spent dancing in the kitchen to their favorite song. He wanted to hold onto every moment, to preserve them somehow, but they slipped through his fingers like grains of sand.
A nurse walked in, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “She’s comfortable, Brian,” she said softly. “You’re doing everything right.”
He nodded, but his heart ached. What did “right” even mean at a time like this? Should he be talking to her? Holding her hand? Sitting in silence? There was no manual for saying goodbye to the love of your life.
Then, almost instinctively, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, worn notebook. It was something he had started when Laura first got sick—a collection of love letters, memories, and little notes he wished he could share with her. He opened to the last entry and, in a voice thick with emotion, he read aloud:
“My love, I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know this—I have loved you in every season. In the bright summer days of our youth, in the golden autumn of raising our family, and even now, in this long winter. I have loved you fiercely, and I always will. If you must go, go knowing that you have given me a life filled with love, and I will carry that love with me always.”
A single tear rolled down Laura’s cheek.
Brian squeezed her hand, his throat tight with emotion. It was a small thing, a fleeting moment, but it was everything. He had been given one last gift—the knowledge that she heard him, that somewhere, deep inside, she knew.
In that moment, he realized something powerful: saying goodbye didn’t mean letting go. It meant holding onto the love they had built, honoring the life they had shared, and carrying it forward.
For every caregiver walking this difficult road, I want you to hear this—your love, your sacrifice, your devotion, it all matters. Even when words fail, even when memories fade, even when time runs out, love remains.
One of the mantras I hold onto from my book Get Risen is this: I am grateful to be alive, and safely to my divine destiny, I will surely arrive. In moments of loss, it’s easy to feel like your world is ending, but your journey is not over. You are still here. You still have a purpose. And you are stronger than you know.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you experienced a moment of unexpected connection with a loved one in their final days? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more peace to our journey. Until next time, take care.
 

S3 Ep 18 Honoring Their Legacy_ Keeping Memories Alive When Dementia Fades

Welcome to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! Here, we offer practical advice, heartfelt stories, and support for caregivers. Thank you for joining us today. Remember, you're not alone. Together, we'll navigate the joys and challenges of caregiving.
My dear friends, this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
I hope this story resonates with you.
David sat quietly in the living room, his eyes tracing the familiar creases in his hands. He could hear the soft rustling of pages as his wife, Eleanor, flipped through an old photo album at the dining table. The late afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting long, golden rays across the floor. It had become their routine—these quiet moments together. But today, something felt different.
Eleanor’s brow furrowed. “David,” she called, her voice carrying an urgency he hadn’t heard in a while. “I need to go home. My father is expecting me.”
David swallowed hard. He had learned long ago that reasoning wouldn’t help. Eleanor’s father had passed decades ago, and this house had been their home for over thirty years. Yet, in her mind, the past and present blurred together like watercolors bleeding into one another.
“Tell me about home,” he said gently, moving to sit beside her. “What’s your father like?”
She beamed, her eyes lighting up. “Oh, he’s wonderful! He always smelled like fresh cedarwood, and he used to sing while fixing things around the house. He’s waiting for me.”
David nodded. “That sounds like a man who loved you very much.” He reached for the album in front of her, flipping to a page filled with black-and-white photos. “Is this him?”
Eleanor’s gaze softened as she traced the edges of a worn photo with her fingertips. “Yes, that’s him,” she whispered. The tension in her shoulders eased.
“You know, he’d want you to be comfortable,” David said. “Why don’t we sit a little longer and have some tea before we go?”
She hesitated but then nodded, allowing herself to be gently redirected. As David poured the tea, he knew this moment would come again. But for now, peace had been restored, and that was enough.
Creating a legacy isn’t just about preserving memories; it’s about honoring the life of a loved one while they are still here. As caregivers, we often find ourselves caught between holding onto the past and embracing the present. The challenge is learning how to celebrate the person they are today while carrying forward the stories, lessons, and love they’ve shared with us.
There are many ways to do this. Some caregivers keep a journal, jotting down daily moments of joy, funny conversations, or even small victories. Others create memory boxes filled with treasured keepsakes, letters, or voice recordings. For some, it’s about ensuring that traditions continue—cooking a favorite family recipe, singing old songs, or telling stories that have been passed down for generations.
One powerful way to honor your loved one’s legacy is through storytelling. When memories begin to fade, telling stories together can help anchor them in something tangible. Ask open-ended questions: “What was your childhood home like?” “What’s the best advice you ever received?” “What did you dream of becoming when you were young?” Even if the answers change from day to day, the act of engaging, of valuing their words and emotions, creates a connection that outlasts memory.
I think back to my own journey caring for my mother. I have been caring for her for over 10 years now. I keep her at home with me.  I remember the days when she would know exactly who I was and the days when she struggled to remember why this strange man was in the house with her.  But what mattered most was the feeling she had in those moments of recognition—safe, loved, honored. It wasn’t about forcing her to hold onto what was slipping away; it was about creating new moments, rooted in love, that gave her peace.
As caregivers, we sometimes fear that when memories fade, the essence of who our loved ones are will fade too. But legacy isn’t just about what they remember—it’s about what we carry forward. It’s in the way we speak their name, in the traditions we uphold, and in the love we continue to share with others.
A mantra from my book Get Risen comes to mind: I Am Creating Every Day, and I Am Seeing What I Say. When you choose to see and honor the goodness in your loved one—even on the hardest days—you are creating a legacy that will last beyond their years.
If you’ve found ways to preserve your loved one’s legacy, I’d love to hear about it. Join us in the Caregiver Secrets Facebook group, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. And if you’re looking for daily inspiration and support, check out my book, Get Risen, available now.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more meaning to our journey. Until next time, take care.

S3 E17 The 5-Minute Caregiver Reset_ The Secret to Staying Strong Without Burning Out

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! As you are aware, this program is dedicated to providing practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for individuals who dedicate themselves to caring for their loved ones. We appreciate your listening today. Please know that you are not alone in this journey; together, we will navigate the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.
Mia had always been the strong one in her family. She had taken on the role of caregiver for her husband, Daniel, after he was diagnosed with early-onset dementia. At first, she powered through, determined to be everything he needed. But as the days turned into months, and then years, the weight of caregiving settled deep into her bones.
One afternoon, Mia found herself standing at the kitchen sink, staring blankly at the running water. She had been rinsing the same coffee cup for minutes, her mind scattered in a dozen directions—Daniel’s medication schedule, the pile of laundry she hadn’t touched, the bills sitting unopened on the counter. She felt completely drained, but there was no time for a break. At least, that’s what she told herself.
Then, her phone buzzed. A message from her sister: Take five minutes. Just five. Breathe. Step outside. Do something for you.
Mia hesitated. Five minutes? That seemed impossible. But something in her nudged her forward. She turned off the water, grabbed her cup of coffee, and stepped onto the back porch. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and felt the sun warm her face. For those five minutes, she let go of the stress. She wasn’t fixing anything, solving anything—she was just being.
And when she walked back inside, nothing had changed… except that she had. That five-minute reset gave her the strength to keep going.
Caregiving can feel like an endless marathon, but the truth is, you don’t need an hour-long spa day to recharge. You just need moments. Micro-moments of self-care that reset your energy, your mindset, and your ability to keep showing up.
So how do you make this a habit? Let’s talk about some simple ways to incorporate five-minute resets into your day.
First, there’s the breath reset. It sounds simple, but deep breathing is one of the fastest ways to calm your nervous system. Try this: Inhale deeply through your nose for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, then exhale slowly for eight seconds. Repeat a few times, and feel your body start to relax.
Then, there’s the music reset. Ever notice how a song can change your mood instantly? Keep a playlist of songs that lift your spirit. Maybe it’s something soft and soothing, or maybe it’s an upbeat song that makes you want to dance. Either way, let music be your reset button.
Another powerful reset is movement. If you’ve been stuck in one spot for too long, stand up and stretch. Roll your shoulders, shake out your hands, or step outside for a quick walk around the yard. Moving your body moves your energy, and sometimes that’s exactly what you need.
And finally, the mindset reset. The words we tell ourselves shape our experience. When caregiving feels overwhelming, pause and repeat a mantra that centers you. One of my favorites from Get Risen is:"I am strong and alive, and I am destined to thrive."
Let those words settle in. You are strong. You are alive. And you deserve to thrive—not just survive—through this journey.
So today, I challenge you: Find your five-minute reset. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Just something small that brings you back to yourself. Because the truth is, caregiving isn’t just about endurance—it’s about sustainability. And you can’t sustain this journey without moments to recharge.
I’d love to hear from you. What’s your go-to five-minute reset? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Caregiving is hard, but you are not alone. Let’s keep learning, growing, and finding new ways to bring more peace to our journey. Until next time, take care.
 

S3 Ep 16 - Ask for Help: Unleashing the Ultimate Caregiver Superpower

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! This is the show where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those who give their all to care for loved ones. Thank you listening today. Please take a moment to follow this podcast so you don’t miss any episodes. I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
 
 Today I am going to share several stories with you to help bring home the point of this episode. Please listen closely.
 In a quiet suburban neighborhood, James had been taking care of his beloved wife, Laura, whose memory was slowly fading due to dementia. For years, James prided himself on managing every detail on his own, believing that accepting help meant admitting defeat. One evening, after a particularly overwhelming day filled with challenges he couldn’t meet alone, he reached out to a local caregiver support group. With hesitant yet hopeful steps, he began to share his struggles and discovered that neighbors and friends were eager to lend a hand—offering to prepare meals, assist with household tasks, and even accompany him during difficult care moments. As James embraced this unexpected support, he realized that asking for help lightened his burden and enriched his ability to care for Laura, allowing him precious moments of connection and renewal.
Meanwhile, in another part of town, Maria, a devoted daughter caring for her aging mother, had long resisted the idea of accepting assistance from her busy siblings. Despite her deep love and commitment, the isolation of managing every need by herself began to take its toll. One afternoon, as she sat quietly watching her mother reminisce about the past, Maria recalled the empowering words from a favorite mantra: “I Am Perfectly Fine, Because I Am Walking with the Divine.” Inspired by this reminder of her inner strength and worth, she reached out to a local community caregiving service. Soon, professional caregivers joined her in providing compassionate support, and her mother’s eyes sparkled with joy as she received gentle care and attention. Maria’s willingness to ask for help not only rejuvenated her spirit but also transformed the care environment into one filled with shared love and collective strength.
Elsewhere, Ethan, a caring son, found himself struggling to balance work and the ever-growing demands of caring for his mother. Reluctant at first to burden others with his responsibilities, he eventually discovered that reaching out to friends and local volunteers could create a network of support that made a real difference. With each helping hand, Ethan’s days became more manageable, and the once overwhelming challenges turned into opportunities for connection and community. These moments of accepting help taught him that vulnerability could be a pathway to strength, and that by sharing the load, he was not only honoring his mother’s dignity but also nurturing his own well-being.
The journeys of James, Maria, and Ethan remind us that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but an act of courage and self-compassion. When caregivers choose to lean on others, they build a support network that allows them to care more deeply, rest more fully, and live more vibrantly. I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever used a pause to shift a tough moment? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today. And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter. Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen. And please remember, you’ve got this!
 

S3 Ep 15 - The Caregiver’s Burden: When Love Feels Like Too Much

Welcome back to Caregiver Secrets! This is the podcast where we share real talk, practical tips, and heartfelt stories to support those who give their all in caring for a loved one. I’m so grateful you’re here today. Caregiving can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Together, we’ll navigate the ups and downs with honesty, encouragement, and a whole lot of heart.
Before we dive in, just a quick reminder—this podcast is for informational and support purposes only. It’s not medical, financial, or health advice. Always consult with the right professionals for your specific needs. My goal is to empower you, but what you choose to do is completely up to you.
Now, let’s get into today’s episode. I hope this story speaks to you.
Sam had always been a patient man. For thirty-seven years, he and his wife, Elaine, had built a life together, full of laughter, road trips, and shared dreams. Then came the diagnosis. Elaine had dementia. At first, it was little things—forgetting appointments, repeating questions—but soon, even the simplest tasks became battlegrounds. And nothing was worse than bath time.
It started with resistance. “Not today, Sam. I’m fine,” she would say, waving him off. But days passed, and he knew he had to find a way. When he insisted, her resistance escalated into anger, then fear. She would cry, cling to her clothes, and plead with him. It shattered him. He felt helpless.
One evening, after another failed attempt, Sam collapsed into his chair, exhausted and defeated. He felt the weight of every frustration, every time he had tried to reason with her, every time he had forced what seemed like a simple necessity. He closed his eyes and prayed, “Lord, show me another way.”
The next morning, he approached bath time differently. Instead of announcing it, he turned on soft music and dimmed the bathroom lights. He ran warm water and placed lavender-scented towels on the sink. He sat beside Elaine, holding her hand, speaking softly about a time they had visited the beach and let the waves wash over their feet. “Remember that feeling, sweetheart? How warm the water was?” She smiled, nodding slowly.
“Would you like to dip your feet in for a moment? Just like back then?” he asked. Hesitantly, she agreed. Slowly, with patience and warmth, he guided her into the bath, never rushing, never demanding. That night, for the first time in months, she bathed without fear.
Sam had discovered something profound: bathing was never just about hygiene. For Elaine, it was about control, about dignity, about trust. He learned to work with her emotions instead of against them. He incorporated gentle approaches like warm washcloths instead of full immersion, a calming voice instead of instructions, and a steady, reassuring presence.
For so many caregivers, bathing becomes a battle. But understanding why it’s terrifying for someone with dementia changes everything. Fear of falling, discomfort with temperature, feeling exposed—these are real concerns. The key is creating a sense of safety, familiarity, and autonomy. If they refuse, don’t force them. Try again later. Find alternatives, like sponge baths or gentle cloth wipes. Sometimes, a simple change—like letting them wash themselves with guidance—makes all the difference.
Caregiving isn’t just about getting tasks done; it’s about preserving dignity. And that requires patience, creativity, and love.
I want to leave you with this mantra from my book, Get Risen: "I am living in God's creative flow, so all the old ineffective ways I now let go." When one method doesn’t work, we try another. When frustration sets in, we take a breath and approach with love. Every challenge is an opportunity to find a new way.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever faced a battle with bathing? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
 

S3 Ep 14 - When They Won’t Eat: The Caregiver’s Secret to Encouraging Meals Without Stress

Welcome to the Caregiver Secrets podcast. This program provides practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for individuals who dedicate themselves to caring for loved ones. We appreciate your presence today. Please be assured that you are not alone in this journey, and together, we will navigate the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and mutual support.
Please note: this content is not medical, financial, or health advice. Consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. This information is intended to inform and support, but any actions taken are at your own discretion. With that said, let’s proceed.
I think this is a great story to help shed some light on our topic.
Ethan had been married to Marie for over forty years. Their love story had been one of adventure and quiet moments, of shared dreams and the simple joys of just being together. But when Marie’s dementia progressed, those quiet moments became filled with uncertainty. Lately, the biggest struggle was getting her to eat. No matter how much effort he put into preparing meals, she would push the plate away, take a few bites and refuse the rest, or simply stare at the food as if it were something foreign.
At first, Ethan tried logic. “Marie, sweetheart, you have to eat to keep your strength up,” he’d say, his voice gentle but firm. But logic had no place in the world Marie now lived in. Her refusal wasn’t a choice—it was a symptom of the disease. Some days, she would claim she had already eaten when she hadn’t. Other days, textures seemed to bother her, or she couldn’t recognize the food on her plate.
One particularly difficult evening, Ethan sat across from her at the dinner table, watching as she absentmindedly pushed her peas around with a fork. His heart ached. She had always loved his homemade chicken soup, and yet now, even that went untouched. He felt the frustration well up inside him, but he took a deep breath. This wasn’t about force—it was about understanding.
He remembered something he had read about how dementia affects taste and appetite. Sometimes, the problem wasn’t the food itself, but how it was presented. That night, instead of pressing her, he simply got up, walked to the kitchen, and poured the soup into a coffee mug. Then he returned, sitting beside her instead of across from her, and wrapped her hands around the warm mug.
“Marie,” he said softly, “I made your favorite soup. Just hold it and take a little sip, like tea.”
Marie looked at him, then at the mug. Slowly, she lifted it to her lips and took a small sip. Then another. And another.
Relief flooded Ethan’s heart.
From that night on, he learned to adjust, to shift his expectations. When spoons and forks became too complicated, he found finger foods that she could manage. When she struggled to chew, he offered softer textures. He began serving food in smaller portions, on plates that had a contrasting color so she could see the food more clearly. And he stopped making meals a battleground. Instead of saying, “You have to eat,” he learned to say, “Here, try this,” and would take a bite himself, smiling as he did. More often than not, she would mimic him, as if rediscovering the joy of food through his encouragement.
Ethan also realized that hydration was just as important. Marie often forgot to drink water, so he started offering her fruit-infused water in a clear cup, smoothies with a straw, and small popsicles made from juice. He made it part of their routine—whenever they sat together, he would take a sip, and she would often follow.
Through trial and error, Ethan found that patience, flexibility, and creativity were his greatest tools in helping Marie stay nourished. And in those small victories—like a sip of soup from a mug or a handful of blueberries shared in the afternoon—he found moments of connection that reminded him she was still here, still with him.
If you’re facing the challenge of getting your loved one to eat or drink, know that you’re not alone. Eating and hydration issues are common in dementia, but there are strategies that can help. First, consider why they might be refusing food. Is it the texture? The color? The temperature? Experiment with different presentations—try serving food in smaller portions, using contrasting plates, or offering meals at different times of the day when they may be more receptive. Some caregivers have found success with finger foods like cheese cubes, fruit slices, or small sandwiches when utensils become difficult.
Hydration is another challenge. If your loved one isn’t drinking enough water, consider offering flavored water, herbal teas, or hydrating fruits like watermelon and oranges. Sometimes, a simple change in the cup or straw can make a difference.
Above all, remember that frustration is normal, but force is not the answer. Approach mealtime with patience and flexibility. Mealtime isn’t just about nutrition—it’s an opportunity for connection. Sitting together, sharing a moment, and adapting to their needs can turn meals into a source of comfort rather than conflict.
As you navigate these challenges, let me leave you with a mantra from my book, Get Risen: I Am Grateful to Be Alive, and Safely to My Divine Destiny, I Will Surely Arrive. Even on the hardest days, your presence, your effort, and your love are making a difference.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you faced this struggle with your loved one? What solutions have you found that work? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. It’s written by a family caregiver for caregivers, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Thank you for spending this time with me. Keep going, caregiver. You are doing an incredible job. See you next time and remember you’ve got this!
 

S3 Ep 13 - When Love Hurts: Navigating Aggression in Dementia Care

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! If you’re here, it means you’re showing up—day after day—for someone you love, and that’s no small thing. This podcast is all about giving you practical strategies, heartfelt stories, and the encouragement you need to keep going. Caregiving isn’t easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. Together, we’ll navigate the highs and lows with grace, resilience, and maybe even a little humor along the way.
Before we dive in, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but ultimately, the choices you make are yours. With that said, let’s get started.
I hope this story resonates with you.
Mark had always been a patient man. His wife, Janine, was the love of his life—his best friend, his confidante, and the person who could always make him laugh, even on the worst of days. They had built a life together, raising two daughters and enjoying the kind of partnership that made people say, That’s what love looks like.
But now, things were different. Janine had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s three years ago, and lately, something had changed.
At first, it was just a few rough evenings—Janine getting restless around dinnertime, pacing from room to room, mumbling about needing to go home, even though they were home. Then came the agitation—raising her voice at him, calling him by her father’s name, pulling away when he tried to guide her to bed.
Then, one evening, as the sun dipped low and cast long shadows across their living room, Janine turned to Mark with an expression he had never seen before—one of sheer panic.
“Who are you?” she asked, her voice trembling. “Where’s Mark? What have you done with him?”
Mark’s heart shattered. He opened his mouth, but no words came. How could he explain to his wife of forty-two years that he was Mark? That he had done nothing but love her through every stage of this disease?
She backed away, her body rigid with fear, and Mark knew that logic wouldn’t work. His Janine—the woman who had once debated philosophy with him at the kitchen table—was trapped in a moment of terror that he couldn’t pull her out of with words alone.
He took a deep breath. He had been reading about aggression and fear in dementia patients. He knew that, right now, her brain was in survival mode, responding to an overwhelming sense of threat. His first instinct was to reassure her, to argue, to beg her to remember. But instead, he took a step back.
“Okay, sweetheart,” he said softly, keeping his voice calm. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
And then, he did something that went against every instinct in his body—he left the room.
He stood just outside the doorway, his hands shaking. He counted to sixty, then to ninety. Finally, he heard the rustling of movement inside. When he peeked in, Janine was sitting in her chair, her fingers tracing the pattern on the armrest, her breathing slower now.
Mark walked back in, this time with her favorite blanket in his hands.
“Hey, honey,” he said gently, draping it over her shoulders. “It’s getting chilly in here.”
She looked up at him, and though there was still a hint of confusion in her eyes, the fear had passed. She reached for his hand. “Oh, Mark,” she whispered. “You’re here.”
He squeezed her fingers. “Always.”
Physical aggression is one of the toughest challenges a dementia caregiver can face. And if you’re dealing with it right now, I want you to hear me: You are not alone.
Aggression in dementia can be terrifying—not just because of the physicality of it, but because of what it represents. When the person you love most lashes out at you, whether it’s with fists, harsh words, or even just the sheer force of their fear, it can make you question everything. Am I doing something wrong? Why is this happening? How do I stop it?
But here’s the truth: aggression isn’t personal. It’s not about you—it’s about the disease.
Dementia-related aggression is often triggered by three things: fear, pain, or frustration. Your loved one may not have the words to express what’s wrong, so their body does the talking for them. That’s why trying to reason with them in the moment rarely works.
Instead, here are some strategies that might help:
Identify the Trigger
Pay close attention to what happens right before an aggressive episode. Were they startled? Did something in their environment change? Are they in pain? Many caregivers find that certain triggers—like a loud noise, a confusing situation, or even hunger—can set off an outburst.
Remove Yourself (If You Can)
Like Mark did in our story, sometimes the best response is no response at all. If your loved one is physically aggressive, step back. Give them space. Let the moment pass. Often, they just need a few minutes to self-regulate.
Speak Softly, Move Slowly
Fast movements and loud voices can escalate aggression. When you re-enter the space, move calmly. Keep your voice low and soothing. Instead of correcting them—No, I’m Mark, I’ve been here all along!—meet them where they are. “You seem scared. I’m right here.”
Create a Safe Environment
If aggression is a frequent issue, look around the space. Is there too much noise? Too many shadows? Harsh lighting? Small environmental changes—soft music, familiar objects, and a clutter-free space—can make a big difference.
Prioritize Prevention Over Reaction
It’s easier to prevent aggression than to de-escalate it. That means making sure your loved one is comfortable, pain-free, and not overstimulated. Regular routines, familiar faces, and soothing activities can help minimize episodes.
And finally—remember to take care of yourself. Dealing with aggression is emotionally and physically exhausting. Reach out for support. You don’t have to do this alone.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever had to navigate aggression in caregiving? What worked for you? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
And don’t forget to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Together, we can build a village of support and make this journey a little lighter.
Finally, I’d love for you to grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen. I wrote it as a long-time family caregiver for other family caregiver, and you can get it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
Take care of yourself, and I’ll see you in the next episode.
 

S3 Ep 12 - When They Wander: The Life-Saving Guide Every Dementia Caregiver Needs

Welcome back to the Caregiver Secrets Podcast! As many of you know, this is the show where we share practical advice, heartfelt stories, and encouragement for those who give their all to care for loved ones. Thank you for listening today. I want you to know that you’re not alone on this journey, and together, we’ll share the joys and challenges of caregiving with compassion and support.
As always, let me remind you: this is not medical, financial, or health advice. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for specific concerns. My role is to inform and support you as best I can, but the actions you take are totally up to you. With that said, let’s get to work.
I hope this story resonates with you.
John and Mary had been married for forty-two years when Mary was diagnosed with dementia. At first, the changes were subtle—misplaced keys, forgotten appointments—but over time, the disease took more and more of her memory. The woman who once planned their vacations down to the smallest detail could no longer remember what day it was. John, always the steady one, adapted to each new challenge with patience and love. But nothing could have prepared him for the night she wandered away.
It was just past 11 p.m. when John woke up to an empty bed. Panic surged through him as he rushed downstairs, calling her name. The front door was unlocked. His heart pounded. He ran outside, scanning the quiet street, until he saw her in her nightgown, walking barefoot on the sidewalk, staring up at the sky.
“Mary,” he said softly as he approached. “It’s late, sweetheart. Let’s go back inside.”
She looked at him, confused. “I need to go home,” she whispered.
John swallowed the lump in his throat. “You are home.”
She shook her head, frightened now. “No, no, I have to find my house.”
John took a deep breath, remembering the advice he had read about redirection. “Okay,” he said gently. “But it’s chilly out here. How about we go inside, have a cup of tea, and then we can figure out where you need to go?”
That night changed everything. John realized that keeping Mary safe wasn’t just about locking doors; it was about understanding why she felt the need to leave in the first place.
Wandering is one of the most distressing and dangerous aspects of dementia caregiving. It can happen for a variety of reasons—confusion, boredom, restlessness, or even the simple need to follow a routine the brain still remembers. But understanding the why can help us create strategies to reduce the risk.
Research has shown that individuals with dementia may wander because their brain is searching for something familiar—whether it’s a home they lived in years ago or a job they once had. The Alzheimer’s Association states that six in ten people with dementia will wander at some point, and without intervention, it can lead to injury or even death.
So what can we do as caregivers to prevent a crisis before it happens?
First, create a safe home environment. Installing simple modifications like door alarms, childproof locks, or motion sensors can provide an added layer of security. Consider placing signs on doors that say STOP or BATHROOM to help redirect their movement within the house.
Second, embrace technology. There are GPS-enabled shoes, bracelets, and even watches designed for individuals with dementia. If your loved one wanders frequently, investing in a tracking device can be life-saving.
Third, establish a routine. Wandering often happens when someone is restless or searching for something familiar. By maintaining structured daily activities—such as walks in a safe area, engaging tasks, or soothing evening rituals—you reduce their urge to roam.
Fourth, pay attention to triggers. Wandering can be triggered by something as simple as an upcoming mealtime, a sunset, or even an old memory surfacing. John eventually realized that Mary’s wandering was often triggered by the evening hours—classic sundowning behavior. He started using light therapy in their home, closing the curtains earlier, and playing calming music in the late afternoon. These small changes made a big difference in her restlessness.
Fifth, be prepared for emergencies. Even with the best precautions, wandering can still happen. Keep a recent photo of your loved one, their medical information, and a list of places they may try to go. Alert neighbors, local police, and community members about their condition so that if they do get lost, there’s a network ready to help.
Above all, approach wandering with patience and understanding. Fighting against it will only lead to frustration. Instead, ask yourself, What is my loved one searching for? Sometimes, meeting their emotional needs—through touch, reassurance, or a familiar routine—can be just as effective as any physical barrier.
As John learned, caregiving isn’t just about keeping Mary inside; it’s about keeping her feeling safe. And sometimes, the best way to do that is to meet her in her world rather than forcing her to stay in his.
If this episode spoke to you, I encourage you to join our Facebook community at bit.ly/CaregiverSecretsOnFacebook, where we share stories, tips, and encouragement. Caregiving is a journey best traveled together. And don’t forget, you can grab a free copy of my book, Get Risen, which was written for caregivers just like you. You can find it at bit.ly/GetRisen.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you experienced wandering with your loved one? What strategies have worked for you? Share your story in the comments or email me. And if this episode resonated with you, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with another caregiver who might need it today.
Until next time, remember: You are not alone. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough. Stay strong, stay kind, and take care.